Thursday, 27 April 2017

My books on Amazon



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14 Apr 2017

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4 Apr 2017

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28 Mar 2017

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15 Nov 2016
by michael casey

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9 Nov 2016

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16 May 2016

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4 Jul 2015

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14 May 2014

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1 Jan 2014

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2 Jun 2013

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29 Feb 1988

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Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Structure and Scaffolding

Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Structure and Scaffolding



Structure and Scaffolding ©
By Michael Casey
I just caught up with Elementary on the Sky Q box and I was wondering should I try and write another piece today, its only ten to five in the afternoon, I’ve just looked up at the clock, so I have plenty of time. I have a structure in my day, I get up and have breakfast and heart meds then I go on the computer and see who in the world is reading my stuff. Today Antigua and Barbuda, I had to double check on the map to see where it was exactly. Then I go shopping and take some exercise, before returning and going back on the computer to read the Press, then the girls arrive from school and I give them some food.

So I have an ordered life, a structured life, and I feel confident that my self-prediction of only 10 years left can be extended to who knows but more, thanks to yesterday’s doctors intervention, and next month’s doctor’s intervention. I’ll still be boring you all about my pain, but thank God for Movelat and Paracetamol.
So I was thinking about Elementary and the plot structure and that made me ask myself about structure in life. My daughter is thinking of doing Philosophy at A level, as well as Maths, Biology and Chemistry. Yes, the hard stuff, well she wants to be a Doctor after all. So I told her that Philosophy was just Religion, but without the Religion. Then I added that Philosophy was the mental structure or scaffolding that held our minds in place in our heads. Go write your essay now I finished with.
Which makes us all wonder what is so important in any structure. Well in a house the walls hold up the building and make the inside warm, and subdivide it into our private little spaces. Mom’s room, dad’s study, our room, the boys’ room, or the rubbish room, and the space under the kitchen table where the Rottweiler lives.
When you look at a house, and I’ve looked at 100s online and in real life, you are looking at the weaknesses, when you are house hunting you are looking for weaknesses, because they are the thing that’ll cost you money. So the Structure is very important, and that’s why you’ll have a structural survey especially if it has been altered dramatically, because its buyer beware and you don’t want the thing to fall down, or for you to run out of money after you have bought it as a doer upper.
In our lives we have structures and safety nets. You might ring a friend or have facetime with a friend where you just curse each other, you might even be priests and this is your routine, but in Latin, so nobody can understand, except Lech the altar boy. This curseathon is so important as it’s a safety valve to let the tensions of life escape.
You may ring your sister and have 2 simultaneous conversations at cross purposes, like hair being platted, but the net result is beautiful hair, or rather more brother/sister bonding, and yes that sums up 30 years of talking to my own sister.
You may go to a bar and sit all alone in a corner, or next to another lone drinker, you never speak to each other. But without him being there it would be horrible, he is your drinking buddy even though you are strangers sitting next to each other. If one day somebody wants to sit in the spare chair they will be told its not vacant your buddy will be here soon.
And it will go for years even, until one day your drinking buddy will ask for your name. Then a couple of weeks will go by and then one week a man in a suit will arrive and sit beside you and buy you a pint and a whisky chaser. It’s a lawyer, your drinking buddy has died and left you 1,000,000 dollars, you were the only soul he knew for ten years, so now he’s left you his money. And a house and his old Mustang.
This kind of thing is rare, but it has happened, without knowing it you became part of this man’s life. Your loneliness buttressed his loneliness, so he didn’t feel so alone, he felt he had a buddy. The phycology of collectiveness even though there was no real connection, go ask your own PhD student.
 Or the Tribal Collectiveness of team sport supporters, when you feel part of a group you feel less alone, and you feel stronger, or so they will tell you.
Having a routine makes you stronger, randomness makes you weaker, because just as muscles get stronger through repeated use and exercise then Structure in Life brings order and health and wellbeing. 
For me writing is part of my structure, if I didn’t write what else would I do? Watch Soaps on tv, teach table manners, me with tooth paste stains down the front of my jumper. Be a Political Commentator, or a writing coach. I could never be a writing coach, I can talk about my own stuff and how I write my own stuff, but reading other peoples’ stuff is the most boring idea in the world, being a mental proof reader for others would just be horrible.
If anybody really wants me to teach them to write the price would be too high for them, that way I’d never have to do it. Though I could prepare a one hour chat I could deliver as an after-dinner speech, Obama gets 400,000 for a speech I’d charge 1,000,000. Just as Elizabeth Taylor  asked for a million,  as a way of not doing it, but they paid her. If there is anybody out there with more money that sense, just get in touch.
That’s all I have to say on Structure for today, I have to eat and have a banana, it’s part of my dietary structure, as is reading all the labels on food these past 2 years and forevermore. Food without phones is my final “advice” because a Family should be able to talk to each other when they are eating and not playing with toys. Family conversations with food build and strengthen a family just as much as the food itself. And even if you have double and triple conversations simultaneously while you eat this is great, just ask me and my sister.   

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

The Phantom Writer

The Phantom Writer ©
By Michael Casey

Peter loved Theresa but she did not know this, she had never even met him, so how could she love him back if she had not even met him. Peter had seen her in the staff canteen, and he was smitten. Yes she wore braces and had horrid glasses, but her smile framed by her red hair was what won Peter’s heart, her twinkle was enough for him.

But how could he win the heart of this fair maiden? Peter’s problem was that he was shy, he’d stammer when he spoke to a girl he fancied. So how could he win the heart of this fair maiden. Peter was sitting in the cinema alone watching Roxanne when he spotted Theresa in the cinema too. She loved the film as did he, and the plot inspired Peter. Roxanne is based on Cyrano de Bergerac, the ugly man with the poet’s heart, rather like the writer Michael Casey perhaps.

So Peter found Theresa’s email address in the company register and sent her a poem, attached at the bottom was a cartoon of Cyrano de Bergerac. He had a friend in the IT department called Trevor so he persuaded Trevor to give him an extra email. His nom de plume was Cyrano and the poem was headed to My Lady Theresa de Roxanne. Theresa clicked and was thinking what more rubbish the company were sending when she saw the poem and the senders name. She blushed and sighed at the same time, nobody had ever sent her poetry before.

Theresa knew the email address was fake and was not going to reply, but she was moved by what she read so she clicked and replied 8/10. Peter was thrilled with the reply, so he replied with another poem, from 8/10 he began his 2nd poem. Theresa was even more thrilled by this, so she replied with 10/8 just to see what reaction she’d get. Peter laughed and was still laughing when he replied with a third poem. You made me laugh he started with before adding I’m neither 10/8 or 8/10 in fact I am 7of9. Then he proceeded with the third poem.

Theresa happened to be a SciFi fan so she knew what 7of9 meant, she loved the Borg, and just wished she was as beautiful as that girl in Star Trek. So she cut and pasted a photo of 7of9 onto the end of the 3rd poem put her own face on the Borg body. Peter was a little upset by the image, because he loved Theresa as she was, warts and all if you like. So with the next poem he added I prefer you as you are, not as a Borg. This thrilled Theresa, a man who loved her for herself. So she added a photo of herself  just as she was sat at her desk. She also asked Cyrano what did he really look like.

Peter sent a photo of himself but with a Clingon head, Theresa was pleased, Cyrano was quiet hunky, but the head was horrid. However Theresa had now decided she liked him, who got poetry from their boyfriend, nobody but her. But he was not her boyfriend. So the poems flowed and just a line or two of conversation, Theresa liked him more and more. So she replied with you are a 10, to which Peter replied with a picture of Bo Derek from the film 10, with his head on top.

Now Theresa laughed when she got the photo, so what should she do in reply. She was tempted to send a swimsuit picture of herself, but she decided that would be too tarty, so she did not, remembering what Sister Cecelia in Saint Pauls had warned all the girls. Give a man nothing, not even temptation. So she replied with a Kim Kardasian photo with her head attached to a donkey’s bum. Sister Cecelia would have been proud of her.

Peter’s heart was won over by that, he knew he just had to marry her, once he got around to asking her out and dating her. Life isn’t a straight line though. Peter’s secret came out when the company did an audit of the email activity, big companies can be right bastards sometimes. Now the sands of time ran out. The company called everybody to a meeting in the dining hall. Peter was called forward and David the boss a small runt of a man began to dress him down. Peter was all muscles in his bright pink shirt and his sprayed-on jeans. He’d been working out in anticipation of finally asking Theresa out.

Peter wanted so much to tell David to go and and and, but he began to stutter and David mocked him for his stutter. The staff began to murmur, this was not right, this was not right. Theresa had made some changes too, she was going to track her Cyrano down. She would be ready, she’d ditched the horrid glasses, and her teeth were now straight and the braces were gone, she was even wearing blue the same blue as 7of9 because her Cyrano liked that blue.

Peter was stuttering more and more, and David was goading him imitating the stutter. Theresa knew her was her Cyrano, and she was going to marry him, now that she knew who he was and once they got the dating started. As for Sister Cecilla she could go to Hell, her man was gonna get everything, once she had 2 rings on her fingers. And as for that little bastard David, hey you, you little runt leave my man alone, I bet the only time you got any poetry was when somebody threw a book at you.

With that she pushed him into the water dispenser and it broke sending 20 gallons of water spurting all over him. Peter was amazed, for in blue Theresa looked exactly like 7of9 but with red hair instead of blonde. The whole workforce cheered as she gave Peter mouth to mouth resuscitation, as for David, he was expelled from the office for criminal damage to a water dispenser. You see a visiting top boss from France had witnessed everything and he was a big Cyrano de Bergerac fan, as well as being nuts about SciFi, so he took the only way out, he sacked David. And the name of the visiting French boss was Edmond Rostand.





Relief and Hope



Relief and Hope ©
By Michael Casey

Well I’ve just come back from hospital and the Doctor I saw was very nice, so that was a relief. Had some bloods and I see another Doctor next month. All in all a good day out, maybe my Kidneys will be sorted soon. So on the bus home I realised I was so happy and relieved, so the girls will get some nice treats today to celebrate this good news. Any excuse and I’m off to the sweet shop, yes I’ve been told before I’m just a big kid.

So what gives you relief? Stop, I write for all not just Ivanoff in Saint Petersburg, I write for everybody. So can you all raise your eyes from the gutter and to the stars, Petroff can you put that magazine away, I’m trying to be entertaining, yes I know not as entertaining as your magazine.

When you run for the last bus and you get there all hot and sweaty and breathing heavily, only for a girl in front of the queue to spin around and mace you, she wondered what the racing footsteps were, and all the heavy breathing. So naturally she did what her little brother always advised, she maced you.

She was so apologetic when she realised, so apologetic that you both missed the bus. She used her bottle of Evian water to wash the mace from your eyes. She decided to take you home with her. You were just a big oaf so you walked hope together. Once you got to her place she explained to her family how she had maced you. They all laughed, Katarina had finally got a boyfriend by macing him at the bus stop.

Her brothers were all bodybuilders and doormen, the two seem to go together. As the oaf was big they had an instant affinity to him, Uri was his name. Uri and Katarina became a couple, and Uri turned out to be a whiz with books, the ones with sums and accounts in. So his relief at catching the bus led to marriage into a family of bodybuilders.

Now I also want to talk about Hope, Hope Springs Eternal so they say. I Hope that as a result of today and next month’s trip to the hospital I’d avoid any more damage to my Kidneys. When you buy a car or a house you Hope that you can afford it, that the Polish builder who’ll give it the once over won’t say it’s not worth buying, that he can knock it into shape within 6 weeks. And best of all the total cost will be within the budget.

Hope is based on the best evidence, and Luck multiplied by the Help of God and 2 policemen, or maybe I’m mixing that up with Prayer. Anyway as my mum used to say Hope, or should I say Pray, Hope and Don’t Worry, that’s what Padre Pio says and he’s worked miracles in the past.

We all hope that the bus comes and that we don’t freeze to death in the cold, this is April in Birmingham after all. Speaking of which I need to put another jumper on, so have a hope while I go and fetch my jumper. Found my jumper with the tooth paste stains down the front, it could be worse, if I didn’t brush my teeth. Talkers always have bad breath, stand anywhere near a Politician and you’ll know I’m telling the truth, even if the Politician isn’t.

So we all have Hopes and Dreams and you never know when your Hope becomes a reality. Today we received a letter addressed to my wife, when she opens it, it could say that the people who own the house we looked at on Saturday have changed their mind and will accept our offer of 96% of the asking price. But then again that could just be an example of an unreal Hope. Though I did stand by the fridge and ask for a wife and perhaps a family, and look what happened to that Hope…





Sunday, 23 April 2017

Bits and Pieces

Sunday, 23 April 2017

Bits and Pieces



Bits and Pieces ©
By Michael Casey
My daughter was polishing her school shoes ready for school tomorrow, Easter is over and tomorrow and the next 7 weeks are the most important of her life. She takes her GCSEs, they were called O Levels in my day 40 years ago, these exams will allow her to study for her A Levels and that she hopes will lead to Medical School. Everything in life is connected even if we don’t know it at the time, so by doing this it leads to that.
I know where all my bits and pieces are, I save odd shoelaces just in case I need them, I even know where I have left them. Which is good as my daughter broke a shoelace after she polished he school shoes, 7 weeks and she won’t need them any more school will be out for Summer. And I did tell you I did meet Alice Cooper when he stayed at our hotel when I was working at CPNEC Birmingham.
Knowing where your bits and pieces are is a very useful thing. Wait till you have kids of your own and they break things or lose this or that. My mother used to say of my brother “he’d lose his arse if it was not tied onto him” so by saving your bits and pieces you can save the day.
Washers for taps and bits of string are very useful, as are plastic bags, and fuse wire and paper bags. These can be saved in a plastic bag hanging from a nail at the back of the pantry door. All these magic items are ready and waiting until they are needed. Once you get married though your Shanghai wife will throw them away as they are just rubbish, so you have to hide them somewhere else only you forget where that somewhere else is.
I do in fact have our old green metal breadbin, it’s under our kitchen sink, like a treasure chest, full of laces and string and not to mention a spare shower hose, it must be 60 years old now. If I told my wife it was an antique she’d probably try and sell it, but as it also holds the shoe shine kit then she’ll keep it.
Children’s clothes get kept too, we even have some of my wife’s original clothing from when she was a baby in Shanghai, though now as Fashion is a Circle it would be classed as very very Classy. These clothes as kept for years, especially as our girls love Zara, then when the cupboards are groaning we have to clear them out. Children’s clothes never have any wear on them cos kids grow so fast.
Then the girls are forced to prove the clothes are too small, each item held up against their body before being put on the Throw pile. Some could be saved for our grandchildren my wife says. Only that could be 20years away, or never. So reluctantly the Throw pile is taken downstairs, now usually I’d take them to the Charity shop so some lucky child can have our old nearly new clothes, some sent by Grandma in Shanghai to the girls here in Birmingham. However the nearest Charity shop has closed down.
I can improvise though, so the garden wall becomes a clothes rack and passing parents and kids can help themselves. Or I watch like a hawk and any parent with children is accosted in the street and I hand them a bag of girls’ clothes. Before returning triumphant to my perch inside our front room. So all the girls bits and pieces get a second chance, a second life.
Everything can have second life, even me, I’ve produced 5 more books these past couple of years, since my unplanned quadruple heart bypass. And after I see 2 more consultants maybe my Kidneys can be rescued, all they have to do is play with my bits and pieces, there  is even a song by that title you can find it on Utube, fadeout to that Music.


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Saturday, 22 April 2017

A Sunny Saturday Day

A Sunny Saturday Day



A Sunny Saturday Day ©
By Michael Casey
Well both the girls are out, one with friends in town and then back to visit here friend’s dog, a soppy Rottweiler, while the other went to town to have her makeup done by a gay friend of the wife’s. He works in one of the top department stores I believe, so my big daughter had her face done.
Now she has gone out with one of her friends to another’s Birthday party, like any dad I advised them to stay safe. It’s ok I do kick boxing said the friend instantly growing in my estimation. Though my big daughter has started reading up on all things medical, so she probably knows the places to really hurt anybody.
A dad has to be reassured when his girls go out, ask any dad the world over if you don’t believe me. I’ll be really relaxed when she gets a gay ex-navy seal as a best friend, she does have a great gay friend already, perhaps I should give him the Complete Bruce Lee video collection as a Christmas present.
We went to see another house today, I thought it would be a NO, but once we had a look around, it became as YES, and I told the wife to put in an offer. So we did and went home happy, the Polish builder will be back in Birmingham after his Easter holidays tomorrow. So he’d give it the once over for us. The specs and the online info was not very good, once we had a look around and decided who would have which room we decided to put an offer in.
An hour later even though it was only 4% less than asking price, it was rejected. It was the vendor’s first offer. So being Chinese we say, if you get better then take it, what we offer is what we offer. If you don’t get better then get back to us. Our attitude is if it is ours then it is ours, very ying and wang if I get my metaphors right. If Ying and Wang put a better offer in they can have it.
There has only been one place that we really loved. All other properties were just possibilities. Today’s was nice and to be honest the brother of the owner is sound you could have a pint with him, they are a family of a former publican after all. But buying a house is a serious business you have to stay on budget, or if you are Chinese under budget. So not unless the lottery gives me the 4% we’ll continue our quest for a home. 
Though today was great because we even had a spot for the dog and his basket, but God is good, so with God’s help and two Policemen our new home will turn up. Or I might die and then the wife gets to spent the insurance money too. See a Silver Lining in every situation.
I’ve been having a look at the newspapers and spotted Chelsea Clinton, she’s going to run for Office in USA. God help us is all I say, family dynasties are a bad thing in politics, it’s like the Kings in England, and the Droit du seigneur  though I mean in regard to Kings knowing best as opposed to Kings knowing in the Biblical sense. No name, no family has the right to take over a country, if your politics descend that low you are back to gangsters and bootleggers, or wasn’t that how one famous family started  in USA? Ouch.
Well I may read more of the Press later on, now I’m being hunted out to buy eggs from the Polish shop. Then I may catch up with Dr. Who but the spell has been broken as the Christmas edition was so bad, which is sad as the present Dr. Who wanted the part since his childhood. However some of the scripts were just pants, as in bad.
Ok, I’m finished for today, cross those fingers for tonight’s lottery or buy 10,000 ebooks then I’d give your money towards buying today’s house,  and I may even get a free pint from the nice son of a publican.


SPANISH translations for Pope Leo and his CREW

  Humour Writing by the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England read in 171 countries so far https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mic...