mainly comic stories from Birmingham read in 162 countries so far
PODAST TOO https://open.spotify.com/show/1wSSIExkhsR97u1jqj0iiR AND https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1VFNwQSaGBYgNgZdintU4ZKeAd73ijM4O?usp=sharing
Well 300 and Not OUT seems to be a hit with you all, 2200 downloads in days
it would be better if you all went to Amazon and bought a copy but it’s more likely that
Trump name drops me on tv than that happens. Anyway thank you all and spread the word but not the virus, mask up everybody, not unless you are French kissing your girlfriend.
Well it’s
a few days after the USA Election, and I start a new container file for my
words, as Word cannot handle 1,640,000 words or so, which means the dustbin of
my words with now be two dustbins. I did tell Microsoft before when 1,000,000
words seemed to be too much. So here and now I’m telling them I’ve hit the roof
again. Feel free to give me free Word for life on multiple devices. Though I
won’t hold my breath, it’s more likely Jeff Bezo gives my daughters free books
for life, or the Pope, Trump and Putin really were in a band with Theresa May.
Though I did write a story about a band with all 4 in.
Reality
can really be stranger than fiction, hang on a second, a Yul Bremner, Kojak
look alike is at my door, who ordered pizza?
So I
want to amuse you all, and cheer us all up, the USA Election has been so
draining, through the swamp still remains, and I’m over here in Birmingham
England. The view from afar seems no better. But thank God multiple vaccines are
arriving, and Warp speed did NOT fund it. Let’s be honest about it. So the day
my Angel Gabriel arrived from Greece was the same day the vaccine news arrived,
yesterday 9th Nov 2020.
So
everybody has a sore head, and a huge sigh of relief goes up the world over. So
how many morning afterwards have you had? My Kdrama about shoes, I do I do
revolved around a one night stand, asusual
it was very funny, and did remind us a woman does not need a man to depend on. She
can decide for herself. Though in Kdrama land there are many many twists and
turns, which are very funny, as well as being touched with pathos. An older woman, with a whimp of a man, what should she
do, and did love grow afterwards, instead of first.I reallydo recommend Kdramas, I watch in Korean with subtitles, but you could
change the settings.
There
are other morning afterwards, alcohol and celebrations can cause regrets, but sometimes
you reallydo need to do things, My Way,
and have no regrets. You can spend your life putting up with rubbish, a bad
boss,or another kind of bully. You bite
your lip or say nothing, so the bully gets bigger. I’m more assertive now than
when I was younger, they say you mellow with age, for me “rage” is bigger now
compared to when I was younger. Before I had a target, saving to get a house,
then working hard for my young kids, working long shifts galore, 14 years of
nights included, up to 12 hours on a night shift too.
But you
do what you have to do for your target and for your family, as you watch others
drink, smoke andmore while you do the
chores. Now I’m just the penniless Writer sitting here talking to you all, I’m
at home, all I can do is write, as my pained life edges forward to what? More
pain, and lots and lots of words. Though I do want to make you smile and laugh,
so I’ll mine my memories and put pictures in your head. I do look more like
Santa now if I don’t shave, like in yesterday’s photo with Gabriel my new Angel
from Greece. So when I go to the shops dressed in red, passing children wonder
is that Santa, mommy? Still wearing my shades, like a bad Santa. And the quick-thinking
mothers tell their kids to behave or Santa won’t come.
Quick
thinking cats, attack the turkey at Christmas,my own mum had to hide our turkey in the pantry, and cut out a piece where
Jean our black cat had gotten to it, or else throw it all away. That same cat
always knew when it was Sunday because she got the giblets from the chicken for
20 years, starting nearly 60 years ago.Jean also climbed our tiny box Christmas tree and it came tumbling down,
otherwise she sat on the old box tv, as all the valves made it hot, cat not on
a hot tin roof, but on a switched off tv, an early tv critic. And when she
poohed indoors when used the same corner of the living room. Totoro my cat, is
cleverer and poohs in the bath, she is self-taught, because she is bright, a
bilingual cat.
I could go
on about cats, instead I’ll direct you to The Bad Cat that Wasn’t which is a
nice story, touched with sadness, but still a good read. As well as my Lech
Boris and Gregorgi stories, my Slav friends really do make me laugh, and any
Russian readers should hit Translate and try the stories with Polish/Ukrainian/Russian
first cousins from Popaloffoff. One day a cartoon or even live action film
could be made, so Putin make it so.
Also look at the Queens Gambit a series on tv,
where the finale is sogreat, playing
chess in the park with old Russian men, was truly wonderful. We are blessed
nowadays with so much choice, so Covid times have been a curse, but the silver
lining has been the tv. Yes, I know what you are all saying, but you have to be
positive, otherwise our Spirits will stay in the dumps. We must all rise again,
the morning after Covid, there is Sunshine again. From the flowers in the dirt
we will look to the stars again.
I’ve had this idea as part of the finale to Tears for a Butcher for a few years, it may not make it into the book if ever I get around to finishing it. A book is a year of your life. Whereas a story is an hour, a big difference. Now read on.
Mrs Murphy watched in horror, just yards in front of her Fr. Dan was going to be slain, the Columbians had him surrounded. Their guns were drawn and there was no Hope, he’d be as dead as a doornail in seconds. He was her favourite priest no he’d be gone to meet his maker. She could see his face, his eyes were fixed on hers, Pray for me he begged.
Fr. Dan was not afraid of the Columbians, but he was afraid of his Final Judgement, he has killed two men in anger when he was younger. He had confessed this to Mrs Murphy when telling her that her soul was spotless as driven snow compared to his.
Some thugs had teased him and tortured him, trying to make him say bad things about Mary, the Virgin Mary. They had carved curses on his back with knives, but he would never say bad things about Mary. When his chance came he broke free and used all his Martial Arts skills to survive. Only he killed 2 of them and crippled 2 more with the other 2 running for their lives.
Jesuits know how to put the Fear of God into bad people, but Fr. Dan feared God too, he had committed a mortal sin, thou shalt not kill, and he had killed twice. Now he was afraid, afraid for his soul, at this moment of his death he was afraid. His eyes were beseeching, Mrs Murphy would witness his death and his soul would burn in Hell’s fire for all eternity.
Mrs Murphy wanted to charge the Columbians down and run at them, but they had their guns ready, the situation was hopeless. Mrs Murphy did have Faith though, the Faith of a Child, as the bullets flew her heart broke, her womb exploded in love and fear, she lost her mind, but she kept her Faith.
I’ll go to the Gates of Hells and I’ll jump in the way, like jumping under a bus, I’ll catch Fr. Dan’s soul and stop it going into Hell. I’ll wrap my Rosary around the Gates of Hell, keeping them closed. God is good, God is good, it cannot be the end for Fr. Dan he’s such a lovely priest.
In Hell it was so dark and cold, the deepest of deep space, she couldn’t really see further than her hands holding her Rosary. If only she had her friends with her they would weld the gates of hell closed, nobody would burn in hell ever. She knew how to pray, she knew how to pray.
She felt heavy cold as ice breath on her neck, she could hear mocking laughter, but she could not see anybody. She tried to say her Rosary only her lips stuck together it was so cold, she tried to move her fingers though the beads, her mind was numb, it was like being turned into an ice cube. There is no love in hell, no love at all.
Mrs Murphy stumbled to her knees, the laughter, the icy laugher increased, the cold, the numbing cold went down her neck and to her very core. She had to force herself to remember why she was there. She was there to save a soul, she started with the Our Father. She continued with the 1st Hail Mary. Fr. Dan was a good priest, he had refused to say bad things about Mary, they had tortured him, they had tortured him.
Jesus, Jesus forgive him, Mrs Murphy wanted to scream but it was so cold, so very cold. If only she had somebody saying the Rosary with her. The Gates of Hell cannot withstand the Power of The Rosary, he mother and her grandmother had told her. Mrs Murphy was using her best beads, the ones that had been repaired when she was praying for Big Sid when he was shot. But now she was praying for a soul, not just a life.
Mrs Murphy managed to move her lips, it was just so cold, so very cold in the dark space of hell. Hope sprung from her lips, Jesus, Mary and Joseph she managed to scream, a scream that would be lost in the dark cold depths of space that was Hell.
Mrs Murphy’s head was spinning, her womb had exploded, she had lost her mind, she was dizzy, she wanted to vomit. But she had to pray on, she reached the 2ndHail Mary on her Rosary. Her mind was playing tricks on her, she could hear her grandmother praying, she could hear her old dear friend Mrs Casey praying, she could hear Mrs Noonan praying.
On she prayed, it was just so dark and cold in the deep space of Hell. But then in the very distance she saw a light, a tiny tiny flicker, like the lights in the window of houses in Cromane at Christmas, like the lights in Dingle over the bay. Help was on its way, help was on its way.
Warmth seeped into Mrs Murphy’s body, the Darkness flickered and with an explosion of Love the cold and dark of Hell disappeared. Saint Michael the Archangel smiled and caught Mrs Murphy as she fainted. I thought it was all over she said, Michael laughed, it’s never over, it’s never over. Mary, Mum heard the Rosary so she sent me to investigate. Every Rosary everywhere is felt by her, by her womb. He hasn’t got a chance against the Rosary, never has, never will. And is he wants the argue he’ll have to talk to my sword said Michael as he brandished his sword.
But, Fr. Dan is dead and his soul must be heading to Hell, Mrs Murphy interrupted. Saint Michael the Archangel smiled and cried at the same time. God is good, and as you know his mercy is infinite. Come now I have to put you back together. But Fr. Dan’s soul is in peril, he must be shot and dead in the gutter by now insisted Mrs Murphy not understanding.
Time is just a joke as far as God is concerned, explained Saint Michael as he gathered up Mrs Murphy. He had to get her back to Earth and save Fr. Dan’s life in moments. Brandishing his sword Saint Michael flew through deep space on his way to Birmingham.
The observatories noticed a bright light from the deepest deepest part of space, it was moving fast, too fast. Many times faster than the speed of life. It was heading for Earth, if it hit earth it would be the end, the end of Civilisation and everything. It was impossible, where had it come from?
Michael did an orbit of the moon and had a look at the space station, one lonely astronaut had lost his love of life, Michael could feel the lack of love. So Michael waved at the astronauts before heading for Birmingham. Birmingham the centre of the universe, well for this one night.
Saint Michael gently lay Mrs Murphy down, her body and soul and heart united again. Saint Michael strolled towards Fr. Dan the Columbians had pulled the triggers, the bullets were flying, the bullets were flying. Saint Michael winked at an unbelieving Fr. Dan, Michael wrapped Fr. Dan in his wings and started singing, Ave Ave Maria, it was all angels’ favourite song.
God is good Dan, said the Archangel, and Mary said she was so proud of you too, she’s never stopped praying for you. You have many decades of work to do, just don’t be too hard on yourself. And as for the Columbians, they have no idea what’s going to happen next.
&&&&&&&&
ok folks, this is part of the finale to Tears for a Butcher which I haven’t even finished writing. I may never get around to it either. This would be chapter 12
I’ve written 1.5 chapters so far and have ideas for the book, really I want to dictate it, IF I had the software OR had access to a legal secretary who would be fast enough to type it for me. But if you’ve followed me you know what I’d like…
Waiting is hard, its the fear of the future, will things change too fast, will things change too often? Why can't I be a rock, never changing always solid, always unmoving always there. But a rock does not have a heart, a rock cannot love you, a rock cannot give you a hug, a rock cannot give you a kiss, a rock cannot have a family. A rock should be used as a foundation to build a house on, to build a home, a place where you can love, a place to watch the children grow up. Being human is all I can be, forgive any tears I shed, but together we can break bread.
Arctic sea ice has reached its second-lowest extent in the 41-year satellite record. Photograph: AP
When the crew and passengers of the nuclear-powered icebreaker ship 50 Years of Victory reached the north pole in 2018, they placed a time capsule in the ice floe.
The metal cylinder contained letters, poems, photographs, badges, beer mats, a menu, wine corks – ephemera from the early 21st century for whomever might discover it in the future.
The future came pretty swiftly. The cylinder was found this week on the north-western tip of Ireland after floating an estimated 2,300 miles from the Arctic Circle, where global heating is melting a record amount of ice.
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Conor McClory, a surfer from the village of Gweedore in county Donegal, was checking the sea conditions when he spotted the tube on the shore at Bloody Foreland, a beauty spot named for the red hue of the rocks at sunset.
“When I saw it, first I thought it was a steel pipe of a ship, then I lifted it and saw there was engraving on it. I thought it was a bomb then,” he told the Donegal Daily. “When I saw the date on it I thought it could be somebody’s ashes, so I didn’t open it.”
A Russian friend of a friend translated the engraving and told McClory it was a time capsule, so he opened it and discovered messages in Russian and English from the 50 Years of Victory’s polar expedition.
One letter in English, dated 4 August 2018, said: “Everything around is covered by ice. We think that by the time this letter will be found there is no more ice in Arctic unfortunately.”
McClory tracked down one of the letter’s authors, a Russian Instagram blogger in St Petersburg known as Sveta. In a Zoom call, Sveta said the crew and passengers had thought the cylinder might be discovered in 30 or 50 years and expressed shock it was found so quickly, McClory said.
In the past decade, Arctic temperatures have increased by nearly 1C. Arctic sea ice has reached its second-lowest extent in the 41-year satellite record.
Last year the Greenland ice sheet lost a record amount of ice, equivalent to 1 million tonnes every minute. With annual snowfall no longer enough to replenish snow and ice lost during summer melting, scientists fear it has passed the point of no return.
A Nature Climate Change study predicts that summer sea ice floating on the surface of the Arctic Ocean could disappear entirely by 2035.
For €29,600 (£26,740) the Russian-owned 50 Years of Victory takes passengers on 14-day expeditions to the north pole, calling it a “magical destination”.
Why is America Afraid of Charles Darwin? Sep 12, ’09 1:22 PM
for everyone
By Michael Casey
I just read in The Daily Telegraph, a major English newspaper that a new film about Darwin has failed to find a distributor in the USA. I am shocked and saddened. Why? Because nobody in the rest of the world would still behave like naive children. If we accept the Theory of Evolution then we still have the question who created it all in the 1st place, and the answer to that is no doubt, GOD. The Bible was written by an elite who could write, the common man was still in the dark. Really, the people who don’t believe in the Theory are still 150 years behind the times. As children we come out of the dark of the womb into the noise of the world.
Without being suckled we would all die. In the bad old days, many many children died or did not make it past infancy. In China there is a celebration when a child reached its 100days. As we grow we sit up, we look about and we smile. For six months we are nothing more than eating and puking and poohing animals. With Love and Care and Affection we grown and we stand up and we start to eat solids. Love and Faith start while we are at the nipple. We learn to talk and then we learn to read, We go to school and we read books. We also go to church and listen to the Bible being read. Or we go to the Mosque and hear the Koran, or we go to the Synagogue and hear Scripture. We are nurtured spiritually and literally. As we grow we learn more things from books and from study at school. We discover things via the National Geographic TV or by the BBC, but all the time we are growing.
AS we learn we discover things that shock us. Was it only back in the 60s that we had segregation and people called dark skinned neighbours N*****. Did people really call homosexuals Faggots and Queers. Were people who demonstrated against Vietnam Communists. The stain of 3 assassinations in the 1960s lingers on. So the question is how far have we grown, how far have we travelled? If we never change then we are either a rock or we are dead. If we are literalists, and we think that even word in Genesis is the Gospel Truth, then it means we have kept the minds of 5000year old people.
Perhaps Man never walked on the Moon, perhaps it was Faked on a beach in Fort Lauderdale or wherever, perhaps the Moon IS made of Cheese. The Interior journey is always the longest and the hardest, I’m still on that path and will be till I die, I’m the Catholic who spent every lunch hour for 3 years hiding in the Protestant Cathedral, why? because as mountain climbers say “because it was there” and not because I’m “holy” but because I’m in need of prayer. I have managed to come up with some really good poetry due to my time spent before the cross.
As for Evolution, I read a history book when I was 10 it was called “The Outline Of History” by H.G. Wells, it mentioned The Theory Of Evolution, don’t be afraid of a 150year old theory. For if we evolved doesn’t it prove just how Childish we, and by we I mean Mankind is. WE needed such a long time to evolve because WE ARE SO STUPID. LOVE should turn swords into ploughs BUT how are we all doing? WE still bickering worse than children, we are still calling are neighbours N***** and Faggots.
IT is Time for all of this to end, look into Space at night and see the Glory of God’s creation, the stars at night, these are God’s watch, the night breeze of your face is HIS breath. What difference does it make if HE did it in 6days and rested on the 7th, or IF Darwin is right. But don’t be afraid of a film and “ban” it. Time, Evolution, and our Wisdom is just a Joke compared to God’s LOVE.
Today is 4th Nov 2020, the day after the Biden Trump Election, result still not known
But 11 years after I wrote this, America still seems like a moody teenager.
photo is where my mum was born, very very poor, but VERY STRONG FAITH
Well first of all a big thank you to the Polish readers out there, 20,500 was the score when I checked a minute or two ago. Why? I have no idea and a famous British comedian Eric Morcambe once said if it works it works, don’t analyse the Joke. So am I tempting Fate this April Fool’s Day 2017? Or Poisson d’Avril if you are French, and I also get French readers, not unless its Roman Polanski in Paris and the fashion guy with the fingerless gloves. They read my stories avidly you know, they even ring each other up and compare notes on my latest story. He, that’s me, is total rubbish says Polanski, yes total rubbish says the fingerless gloves Fashion designer, Lagerfeld, I just remembered his name, anyway Lagerfeld thinks I’m total tosh too, see a 3word alliteration just for you.
When you come over for cheese fondue just bring 2 more packs of TUC biscuits, it’s my monthly treat says Lagerfeld. And what film shall I bring from Blockbuster Video asks Polanski, who has a gold membership card and can now get 30% discount. Oh I heard that Paddington is a gem, if you can get Paddington 2 as well then we can make a night of it, my VHS video recorder has been fixed now replies Lagerfeld as a model parades a new 500,000 design in front of him. More buttons is all he says, it is for the Korean market and they just love buttons after all. And thanks Roman I just got 10 crates of Chinese champagne from a grateful Shanghai client so we may as well try it with all my staff, actually it’s not too bad with cheese fondue.
As Lagerfeld uncorks all the Chinese Champagne the 1st Paddington is placed in the VHS video recorder, as Polanski is here they watch on a small 15inch tv with a little table laden with cheese fondu and Chinese champagne. They had a debate for 6 months before they upgraded the tv to colour, they are real Film People after all. In a corner covered with a sheet is a Mark Kermode, you don’t want to miss any of the film after all, once started you can never interrupt a film, this is not Sky Q after all.
The loyal staff are facing the opposite direction, they have a 102inch UHD tv screen with a sound bar that could keep the North Atlantic out, or an over eager boyfriend, they have the latest blue ray versions. Carl really does look after his staff, his family. So merrily Roman and Carl enjoy their film on VHS, the TUC biscuits go down well too. Tears are shed when Paddington is in peril, Polanski and Lagerfeld have to console each other, but are so happy when all is well at the end, now they shed tears of happiness.
Then Lagerfeld and Polanski discuss the film craft in Paddington, and Lagerfeld scribbles down an idea for a duffle coat, his billionaires cliental will go mad with desire for it. Almost as much they’d want to breed with Michael Casey to have pretty half half children just like his own. Roman and Carl laugh till they cry just at the thought of that idea.
Then they play poker, Lagerfeld changes his gloves for this, Polanski thought he’d fleece Lagerfeld for the 10 dollars they play for, but Lagerfeld treats the poker as seriously as he treats everything, apart from Michael Casey, he is the fool from Birmingham who gives him so much joy, well in Michael Casey’s imagination anyway.
Just as they are finishing their epic game of poker and Paddington has been replaced by the Kardasians on the mega tv Polanski and Lagerfeld laugh till they cry at the serious antics of the Ks. I couldn’t make a film to parody the Ks they do it so well themselves, says Polanski. I could make dresses for all of them, they would be made of paper bags, Walmart paper bags, or maybe Prix Unique bags to be a little more chic. Then Roman and Carl collapse into each other’s arms laughing.
So that explains just how I have French readers, it a Polish reader and a German in France, making dresses for Chinese Billionaires, who all want to breed with me to have beautiful children, who may or may not have silver hair. Just one thing Carl, if I may call you by your Christian name, can you remove the covers from Mark Kermode, he has to get back to the BBC in time for the Film review.
Happy April Fools’ Day everybody from the Birmingham Fool on a Hill.
Don't forget the Dancing in the street to Village People in the morning
