Literary Criticism

Nov99 Michael G Casey email michaelgcasey@hotmail.com

                     Literary Criticism  (c)

                           By

                     
                      Michael  Casey

       I always thought I was a good writer ,  people told me so ,  and it
was what I wanted to hear ,  so naturally I believed it .  That was  until
Jee  Ji  came  to live with me .  She told me she'd read  my  stuff  ,  my
"rubbish" and give an opinion , her uncles were influential , so perhaps ,
or just maybe they could help me get published or even produced . Then the
world would be my oyster , however I had forgotten one fundamental thing .
Jee Ji was Chinese ,  her English still had a long way to go , and besides
which  would  British humour travel as far as China ,  or as  far  as  her
Chinese brain ?

       So naturally I gave her my funniest story to read first ,  the true
yet surreally funny Czech story ,  and what did she say ? "Its boring", if
she had been a man or one of the lads from work I'd have punched her ,  or
at  the very least called her an "ignorant bastard".  But because I  loved
her , I took the critism like a man and smiled , and that was a revelation
in itself , why ? Because I had found somebody whom I respected enough not
to curse at when the hated my work ,  my stuff ,  my "rubbish" . Love is a
strange  thing ,  making you smile ,  instead of curse .  So it  at  least
proved  how  much I loved her ,  I had told her that my  stories  were  my
children  ,  the product of my love ,  the only thing with meaning  in  my
life ,  with value in my life .  Until true love came along in the form  f
Jee Ji herself .  So now we could discuss things , with love in our eyes ,
and my writing was , what it really was , just words on paper. Perhaps
someday my simple words would really have great value , but now I realised
what they were - words ,  just words , perhaps never to have any meaning ,
except to me alone .  In the Bible it begins with "In the beginningh there
was The Word" , aand after that we have the Bible itself , and the rest is
History .  So perhaps my humble words would have a beginning , and perhaps
my  future words would have history too ,  obviously not as great  as  The
Bible  ,  but I still dream that someday my words will have an  effect  on
people . I don't want to move mountains , just make people laugh , that's
enough for me .  However humour is a funny thing , I cannot tell a joke to
save  my  life but sopmehow when I put words on paper I  can  make  people
smile  and  even laugh .  When I'm really relaxed and down the pub  I  can
actually make people cry with laughter , and I don't know why , the trears
of laughter just flow ,  so perhaps when I write I should just relax  aand
pretend  I'm down the pub and most of all ,  just don't try to be funny  ,
just let the laughter flow naturally .
 
       So much for the theory ,  the practice is that you write for  years
and nobody pays a blind bit of notice  , then you write one thinmg and hey
presto you are recognised as a "writer" ,  well in your office at any rate
.  So you are suddenly "world famous" to a group of friends ,  if you  are
lucky  30 friends ,  that's just how "world famous" I became .  Offer  any
other  pieces  of  your "literature" and you are treated like  a  leper  ,
"Unclean ,  Unclean" people almost say .  I did get one real fan ,  and I
fell  in love with her ,  only she didn't fall in love with me  ,  as  she
repeatedly said .  However I did make a friend for life ,  which is better
than nothing . And I'm use to nothing , so that cann't be bad .

        Jee  Ji  revealed her uncles's connections  ,  after  I'd  already
guessed , I was happy but not overwhelmed . I had a play accepted 12 years
ago  ,  only it did not happen ,  so I've given up believing I'd  ever  be
acknowledged  as a writer long ago .  If a miracle happens and her  family
decides to help me then that's wonerful ,  but I have her love and love is
the greatest gift of all , so I'm more than happy . World recognition as a
writer  will never happen ,  not unless my mother who makes tea in  Heaven
pulls lots of strings for me , having said that she sent Jee Ji so perhaps
helping me find my true vocation is next on my mother's list . "Blessed is
he who expects nothing" , so perhaps before I die I will be blessed , and
become a writer .

        So that's how Jee Ji has become my literary critic ,  if I get 100
out of 100 she will pass on my work to her uncle , but she is the filter .
This  makes me smile and is the ultimate irony ,  becuase her  English  is
very good ,  though her verbalising is not as good as what's in her head ,
and  she still has to look words up in her electronic dictionary  .  So  I
have a Chinese literary critic , who is still learning English !

        So Igave her another piece to read , it was "Its all in the Stars"
a  comedy  based  on  me and Louise .  This made her  laugh  and  smile  ,
occasionally  Jee  Ji would look up and ask "What Mean?" and spell  out  a
word and I'd explain and make her look it up in the dictionary . So I'd be
smiling as I watched her read my story , and then I'd smile even more when
she  stopped to ask for explanations of English words .  God  really  DOES
have  the last laugh ,  first I have to write something funny ,  which  is
hardf in itself, then I have to write in such a way as to please a Chinese
girl  .  Now that is the future which I have to bear in mind .  As for  my
back  catologue ,  I just have to hope that with "The help of God and  Two
Policemen  "  as my mum alwasys used to say my old "stuff" will  pass  the
Chinese filter and get 100 out of 100 ,  and then a Chinese uncle in Maimi
or  a Chinese uncle in Shanghai will help this Birmingham England boy  get
his foot in the door as a writer .

         So I watch from my rocking chaire as she reads ,  as I watch  for
smiles I admire her beauty ,  though I call her ans "ugly mug" as a joke ,
and as a way of making her realise that beauty is only skin deep .  And we
both  realise too its because we see each others heart that's why  we  are
sitting  opposite eacxh other ,  that's why I have a Chinese critic of  my
British  humour  ,  and yes God really DOES have a truely great  sense  of
humour  .  If I can do the impossible then I will perhaps finally  get  my
chance  to be a writer .  Though I must immediately say that my  mum  does
make the tea in Heaven so I'm sure she's bribing Saint Jude ,  the  patron 
saint of the impossible ,  "Look , Saint Jude if you want the best tea for
all  eternity ,  just help Michael my youngest son ,  let him make  people
laugh for 70 years with his writing .  But only if he can make his Chinese
girl  give  him 100 out of 100 .  And only if its the Will  of  God." .So
basically  that's the situation . Simple really , I just sit in my rocking
chair and watch Jee Ji smile and every now and then she says "What Mean?"
and I explain and she checks it out in her electonic dictionary , then she
laughs more when she reads the Chinese translation .  I'm sure I can  hear
God laughing in the background ,  but I REALLY do believe mum sent Jee  Ji
to  me ,  so I hope its just a matter of time before I get my foot in  the
door and I get a chance to be a writer . Having said that perhaps I should
add that Time is God's greatest joke , didn't Padre Pio once say something
like "The prayers I will say tomorrow will have helped you yesterday ."

        To finish ,  perhaps I should just teach Jee Ji more English and
then Hey Presto she'll see what a wonderful writer I am . I'm laughing now
at my own stupidity , its more likely she'll think even more how useless I
am as a writer , however God works in mysterious ways and another thing my
mother used to say was "Far Fetched , Like Shit from China." Why ? Because
our  meeting and falling ion love is so unbelieveable and so  far  fetched
just  like "Shit from China" ,  so the ultimate joke is that it  takes  a
real Chinese miracle for me to find a girl AND get published .
Or can I hear God Laughing ?

***** this is a true figure of speech that my mother used to use, IT IS NOT anything else.