My wife the gardener

My Wife the Gardener ©

By Michael Casey

My garden grows/the weeds  conspire to take over/the weeds choke my bluebells/ but bluebells persist they are like that/suddenly there is a crash and a bang/ a Shanghai girl appears/ her house pyjamas are all rolled up/ she is more Japanese than Chinese/ she slings and swings open the store open/ out tumbles the strimmer and the lawn mower/ their silent slumbers are no more/ their plastic covers are thrown away/like the morning duvet in the morn when sleep is over/ another crash and a scream/ husband fetch me the wire and the don't electrocute me safety switch/ then she is off like a Formula One driver/ only she attacks the weeds and our grass/ the grass is getting its short back and sides/ the grass looks like a GI on his first day/ buzz and wooz and wooz and buZZ/ Shanghai girl attacks the grass/she must have a lawn/that little piece of England has entered her bloodstream/ wooz and buzz the machines cut the grass/ me I hide up the yard in  safety/ I have a chopstick artists brush to paint the gutter drain pipes/perfect harmony man and wife together in wooz and buzz with drip drip drip of paint/ then the wooz and buzz ends/ all is silent as the grass green as green can be is all tidied up and ready for picnic duties/ then there are barked orders/husband do this husband do that/ drip drip drip the Shanghai siren disappears with sharp things in her hand/ the small front garden will be attacked and tamed now/ she is a Shanghai dervish/ I slip into the kitchen for Polish toast and  my last green tea/ the gardens are tamed as I finish my green tea/ I promise myself never to buy it again even if it is good for me/ green tea fished/ I go out to the front of the house/ a trucker stares at my wife/ he has never seen a Shanghai gardener before/ she appears more like a rice sower than anything else/ then with a flourish she is done/ Shanghai has tamed Birmingham weeds by her heroic deeds. All is quiet on the Eastern front/ Mrs Casey from Shanghai has finished / just in time to nag me again.