Pruning

Pruning ©

By Michael Casey

Pruning is what you do to your bushes and plants,  you cut them back in the Autumn, in the hope that come the following Spring you will have fresh and vigorous new growth. It’s like a man shaving his beard and trimming it so he’ll look even more attractive to the girls. Though in my opinion a man’s face is always dirty if he has a beard, and if I were a woman I’d never date a bush.

So to encourage new growth you do the opposite to what you might think is needed. You cut back to grow, or you diet to catch that man. Then you fall in love and you catch him, then he puts weight on, as men put on weight because they are happy and married. Perhaps people should never marry then they’ll keep their perfect figure.

As for the woman she does get fat, in spite of all the dieting, one reason is that diets are boring. The other reason for getting “fat” is pregnancy, she diets and starves herself to catch that man then sex gets in the way, or has its way and now she’s “fat”. Then she becomes a  mum, and all mums are fat.

I can feel the surge of anger being directed to me through the monitors, my words are chosen to get you thinking, tongue in cheek. Or is it because of tongues in others’ cheeks that we have this baby boom?

I was going to talk about pruning address books but my intro got side tracked. I pruned  my Hotmail address book  today, must have got rid of over 100 names, I’ve never pruned it before and I have sent thousands of emails over the years. I am available for radio if any radio people are reading this, save me sending any more emails. I have now recorded 86 of my 500+ short form pieces of writing. Or blogs as some call them, I think Shorts is a nicer name. I hope to have another book, More Shorts 2014 ready in the Spring. My typepad and tumblr accounts have audio samples if Radio people are listening.

As  you prune the names  you are nostalgic as you ½ remember who the email addresses relate to, some make you smile, some make you frown, some even anger you. Such as an employer who withheld pay for months, due to their cash flow problems. So you delight in deleting their email from your list.

You remember the nice people too, such as Pat Verato and Mr Riga, they were good and helped you. Some names you cannot delete because they are attached to  Linkedin,  or Facebook. You should be able to delete any names it’s strange that you cannot.

Just when you are finished and are smugly smiling you remember what you had forgot to do. Just where is the boiler man’s email? You cannot even remember his company name as there are three similar names at least. At this point my old friend Baz would be kicking a chair in the office. Then I scour through my old diary and find a number. So I don’t need the email after all.

Only the phone number is ringing off the hook, so you cannot phone. So you google the phone number instead. Only they don’t have an email address suitable on their site, so maybe I should kick a chair too. Then I  improvise, I was a computer operator and concierge after all, so I CAN improvise. So I’ve left a message with the Press Officer.