Follow Me, I'm Your Leader

Follow Me, I’m Your Leader ©

By Michael Casey

I always knew I’d be a leader, it was my destiny, I had to be what was ordained, so I seized the opportunity with both hands. People are fickle, so why no exploit it. I got in on the ground floor when mobiles first appeared, they were like a brick with a wire attached.

I had shares in Apple, the Beatles one, but I quickly dumped them and got the core value ones, the Tech ones. If people wanted to follow me they had to buy a phone, it was their uniform, so they could all appear so uniform and follow me. I made a killing with the shares and the concession stores. They were giving me money to have the uniform, or rather the phone, then they were part of the hip and groovy set, followers of me.

Who am I , no not Denny Crane, but Kevin H.P. Twerp. I added the H.P. it read better, as far as Americans were concerned, I also liked the sauce which started in Birmingham, as did I. Though nobody knew that, I was posh Scottish from Edinburgh, that’s what my Wiki page said. And everybody believes Wiki, and Julian Assange.

So once I had followers what did I do with them? I fleeced them of course, they had to attend my induction courses, which cost 1000 Dollars a pop, or 1000 Euros or 1000 pounds, it made the accounts easier to fiddle if I kept the 1000 unit.

They had to spent 10hours at each induction, there were 3 of course, and they cost 1000 for each. It is hard being a leader so the money paid for my 5 star stays all over the world, and the property portfolio in Malta. Malta is nice so that’s where I hide my money.

What happens at the induction? Nobody knows, the bottled water, and it does have to be bottled water for my followers. The bottled water was 10pounds/dollars/euros a bottle. The water having been laced with something, I cannot say what but it does make the 10 hours go faster, and their brains are blank afterwards. But they do worship the ground I walk on.

Then they have to dress like me, I did a deal with a haut-couture  fashion house, I got shares too, so my followers do look good. Just like me, why have an unwashed rabble in Tshirts when they can wear designer clothes, and look so nice.

I had a deal with a perfume house too, in fact I created the perfume. So my followers look good and smell even better.  A long way away from eau de Jeyes Fluid in my caretaker days when I had to clean the bogs. Though it did motivate me to dream up my pompous vacuous Cult, as my detractors call it, or did I mishear them?

I tour, big stadia, just like Alice Cooper and U2, though I don’t pay as much tax as them, in fact none at all. It’s worth investing in a corrupt accountant, he’s worth his weight in gold. He doubles as my chauffeur, I don’t want to ruin my manicure on any steering wheel. Besides I can watch him from the back seat of our Rolls Royce, specially made of course, only 5 in the world. I have one on every continent; I have to stay unique after all.

It can be boring looking at spread sheets, 4.79billion dollars or is it pounds now? That’s my ill-gotten gains, my accountant  cum chauffeur is demanding 20million as his share, the cheek of it. 20 million is more than what I paid for a new marina in Malta, near the Hilton. I said I’d give him 15, he accepted, I threatened to blackmail him, it’s always good to have a safety deposit box.

What’s happening, why am I in this prison cell, and why am I dressed in cheap women’s clothing, not even designer. I should have never have drunk that bottled water.

this is me in Hotel Achat Offenbach outside Frankfurt great hotel, we were upgraded to a suite 2008 it was