Managing The Image

Managing The Image ©

By Michael Casey

I don’t have 2 kitchens, I have a narrow galley kitchen that feels like ½ a kitchen, at the end of it is our bathroom, perhaps I should ask Ed Miliband can he donate a kitchen to us. The Election has all but started hence the reference to what was in today’s paper.

Image is so important in today’s world or so we are told, Putin likes to act the action man, getting his chest out at every opportunity, he has more front than a page 3 girl. Though in today’s paper they say he is ill, we’ll find out what is really happening in due course.

Politicians will be posing in all sorts of costumes, in all sorts of venues, like a Peter Sellers  on Skunk, though only one political party officially approves of it, though what they all do in private is another matter. You only have to use your nose to smell the truth.

Babies will be kissed and almost dropped, politicians will do anything to get elected, they are of course men of the people. They do allow women in their party too, they even have them drive a bright pink van, just like a SkoobyDoo van, but without any dog driving.

There is the balance between being a serious woman, speaking seriously about serious things, and having the right lipstick on, and making sure they look good for the cameras. They are still women but it is twice as hard as being a man in politics, being equal means being twice as good at least, or they are just ignored.

Down the pub a politician can relax and have a pint, or a half if he is from a certain political party, bacon butties can be eaten, but remember the cameras are always on you, you don’t want to be on the front page, again. Making sure your flies are done up is essential, and splash marks must never occur, perhaps a political intern could go to the toilet for you instead, or adult nappies could be worn during the election campaign.

They say that people who talk a lot have bad breath, so the Speaker must have a ton of extra strong mints under that huge chair he sits on. As the MPs file in the Speaker hands extra strong mints to them, that’s why they are so respectful to him. The power of the mint, not a lot of people know that as Michael Caine might say.

Accent gives a lot away, it tells us where people are from, and vocabulary can reveal education, or lack of. Though some said my dad sounded Welsh as he worked with Welshmen in the steelworks in Smethwick. You can use a lot of fancy words, and still say nothing, or you can use a round of F&&**s and still be much more eloquent, and definitely more powerful. I take after my dad on occasion.

But what of Politicians? They parachute in lads who have done PPE at Oxbridge, so they can be representatives of Northern constituencies. They have read books, they are page turners,  they have no idea what a real turner does, they can do Powerpoint for head office back in London. And still people accept this, or they did, now we have political ferment.

There is a real man, a real bloke who people would vote for, his name is Mr Stone, a former builder, he represents a constituency in the Black Country, Old Forge and Singing Anvil is his patch. His election agent is a poet and undertaker called Percy. Though now I’m talking about The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker a work of fiction, my novel, but isn’t Politics all a work of fiction?   

this is my 600th post so my records tell me, you can buy my books on Amazon, paper books and ebooks just look for my face