Pain Hurts Like Hell

Pain Hurts Like Hell ©

By Michael Casey

I don’t know what I’m going to write till an idea presents itself and then I throw the bucket down the well and we all see together what the day has brung. That’s the way I write and talk to you. Today Pain has come to the top of the list, and if it was a person I’d have thrown the bastard down the well and drown it.

Many people have Pain, all sorts of people and even children too, which breaks our heart, we would willingly take the pain on their behalf. Somebody I love had a major operation 2 years ago, my prayer then was “I’ll take the pain, let her not have any pain” And guess what? I had the pain and she did not. My Arthur turned up unwanted and unannounced 2 years ago and boy oh boy did it hurt, but the one I love, she had no pain.

So was God a Literalist? Did he have a sick sense of humour just like the song Blasphemous Rumours, the Depeche Mode song? And when we die we’ll meet God and he’ll be laughing. I used to sing that song at the top of my voice on the night shift in the computer room. Little did I know God would have the last laugh.

Now I’ve just had a triple heart bypass, and you get months of pain afterwards as your body recovers. One doctor on the surgical team said my chest would be tender for up to a year. So I’ve been taking up to 4000mg of Paracetamol a day for months now. I’ve been reducing it as the pain allows.

Sadly recovery is not a straight line graph. Some days I can get away with just 2 painkillers, which is great. However on other occasions once you go to bed the pain monster awakes and makes sure you do to. Then just for fun other parts of your body join in, such as your scars on your legs, a sharp scream inducing scream. Or you roll over in bed,  or not even that, the sheet brushes the scar on your chest, that makes you scream and frightens the pigeons off your bedroom roof.

My Arthur, my arthritis decided to get in on the act too, so you have a spasm of pain from your back and hip area. Now is this God having his Depeche Mode Blasphemous Rumours moment. Am I a sinner who deserves all this pain? Some schools of thought do believe this old school stuff. Yes, you do pray, you do scream in prayer when you are in pain, perhaps priests should beat us to make our prayers better.

Again I don’t believe in this Medieval school of thought, as I talk to you my shoulders hurt and I’m getting a spasm from my ankle. My chest scar is a foot long I suppose and the scars on my legs go from my ankle to well above my knee. I have to spread my legs in bed so that my scars don’t rub each other, or my neighbours would hear me scream.

Last night at 2.20 I came down for a pain killer and some peppermint tea, Totoro our new kitten decided  to get frisky so I had to make sure he didn’t attack my bare legs. Wrapping my dressing gown around me for protection I put the kettle on. I then had to get the fake fishing rod out so I could entertain our kamikaze cat, he does have a Japanese name after all. Peppermint tea in one hand and fishing rod in another, me Michael Casey the overgrown garden gnome, fishing for a kitten in a living room in the middle of the night.

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t was nearly 3am when I went back to bed, my pain subsiding and the cat finally settled. Kittens are like the balls in a pinball machine, they bounce around everywhere. This morning after the school run I have to rub painkiller on both shoulders, my Arthur has spread to there now, it may be due to the restricted sleeping positions.

I think if I could get a free trip to Malta at the Hilton the sunshine would help no end, so Paris if you are reading this, a family room would be perfect, plus breakfast. There is an underground supermarket nearby too, so you could push a trolley for us. Saint Julian is the bus stop I seem to remember.

Well I made myself smile then, Paris Hilton in heels pushing a trolley around for me in a subterranean supermarket. Seriously though folks, do go to Malta if ever you get a chance, its great and best of all they sell Deep Heat painkiller spray.