More Bad Habits 2016

More Bad Habits 2016 ©

By Michael Casey

Well its January 1^st 2016, a Friday, and we’re all still alive. I won’t bore you too much but 2015 WAS the worst year of my life, if you go by pain. I really would like those football billionaires to each put a million in a pot and use it for something useful, instead of just massaging their egos. So I’ll say pain relief centre would be a great investment, if only because it would help get their star players back on the pitch faster, and it would help Joe Bloggs too. So think about it.

Now one of my many bad habits is looking at www.rightmove.co.uk and B17, why, because that is where I’d like to live. I change my desktop background regularly, when I see a nice house I put it as my background, then when it’s sold I change my background to another nice house. Sad, maybe, but it does cheer me up, though when our new carpets arrive that’ll be nice, until our elephants destroy them.

I will still look at the nice houses in B17, it is my hobby, when I have enough energy I may even walk around the neighbourhood and pretend I live there. I still only have so much energy in the day post-surgery and with arthritis attacking me. This is very annoying, as I walked 20 miles or 30k a week a year ago before I had my operation. Yes up to 4 miles or 6k every day. So I’m a shadow of myself. I’ve turned into a spokesman for pain, not the job I envisioned but if it makes some of you think then that’s good.

Now, other bad habits, as children we may have picked our nose and rubbed it on the wall. My small daughter used to enjoy that habit, luckily she was too small to rub it on the paintings on the wall, it would have made grass look much greener, more lifelike.  Her sister has her own bad habits, such as leaving a trail of paper everywhere, so her boogies are gift wrapped, and stuck down the side of all the chairs, or on the floor. But at least that is an improvement on rubbing them to wall.

Your kids always run around the house barefooted, so you spend your time screaming “slippers and socks” as they never seem to realise where their colds and sniffles come from. There is no Snot Fairy who delivers them, directly up their nose, it’s the Barefoot Fairy who creeps up from the floor and up their spine and then to their nose. Before mum or dad has to carry them up to bed, and if you are lucky they don’t puke all over you. It’s at times like these you wonder why did you want kids in the first place. Then your child sleepily asks for a kiss, before rolling over, and farts in your face.

In today’s world the mobile phone, or just phone as kids call it, because doesn’t everybody have a mobile? The phone is a big big big BAD habit. My kids don’t believe me that we never had a phone in our house, it was after I had left home that we got one. When our lodger had his final heart attack and I was pumping on his chest, I was only 20 at the time, I had to run to our neighbours and ask them to ring for an ambulance.

So nowadays your kids are always on the phone. They used to ask for more money for credit, all the time, so you just stopped giving it to them. But this does not stop the phoning, why because there is Snapchat or some other invention of the Devil. So long as you have Broadband in your house they can talk to their friends, which is good in a way because YOU do not have to pick up their phone bill.

You have strangers in the same house, as everybody is on their phone talking to their friends or Pinteresting, and  not talking to their mum or dad or brothers and sisters. I hate the word siblings, sounds like a disease you get if you don’t put on your slippers and socks, and you end up puking on your dad or farting in his face when he puts you to bed with a case of siblings, brought on by not wearing your slippers or socks.

Well I’ll leave it there for today Friday 1^st January 2016, one bad habit I should break this year, I should remember to thank God  more for still being alive, though sometimes the pain is unbearable. So any football people reading this, a national pain centre would benefit the players and all the Joe Bloggs fans.