Pyjama Game

Pyjama Game ©

By Michael Casey

No I’m not going to write about Doris Day, I’m going to talk about pyjamas or lack of them. I got rid of pyjamas 30 years ago when I got my own house, I could walk around naked now that I wasn’t living at home, I was living in my own home. I toss and turn a lot when in bed, I’m like a chicken on a spit or a kebab  gently turning until well done on all sides. My favourite sleeping position was on my belly with my bum in the air, perfect for parking a bicycle if you remember the old  Billy Connolly joke.

Pyjamas are restrictive, so throwing them away was such a relief, besides they always gave way in the crotch. However if you walk around the house naked you can frighten the neighbours, some even called a zoo once as I’m very hairy, they thought one of the primates had escaped. You think I’m joking, but if you were my lover you’d buy a razor first before indulging in the pleasures of the flesh. Tom Jones had knickers thrown at him, I’d just have Gillette held up.

Fast forward to marriage and children and then pyjamas or a dressing gown at least had to be bought and worn. You can see from the photos attached to my writing that I still have one very old dressing gown, I wear it as I sit here and talk to you, it’s not writing it’s talking, I hope you can spot the difference. As I write I listening to Andre Bocelli I needed something soothing after today’s news, I write to amuse and sooth just as he sings.

So I have to wear pyjamas especially if the mother in law  is visiting from Shanghai, the Bear Necessities may be a good song from the Jungle Book, but she does not need to see  my jungle or my bare anything, not in this life or any. So if I have to wear PJs as they are called nowadays then I’ll be different, I’ll wear women’s PJs or rather very very fat women’s PJs, they have such nice patterns. Once I get back to bed I can throw them off but around the house so as not to frighten the family or the little old lady  over the road with the telescope or is it microscope  then PJs will be worn.

The postman is very diplomatic as I open the door in my pyjamas, funny place to have a door, in your pyjamas, but if Eric Morcambe  can use that old joke then so can I. The alternative would be to allow the postman to see my wrecking ball, and I am no Miley Cyrus, so I just open the door in my pyjamas, and he sees a very grown man, 17stones of a man wearing white pyjamas with rain deer on them, that’s the bottoms, as for the top which is a very tight fit, 46inch plus, a rose flower pattern everywhere, are there no 46 inch women anywhere? So the postman keeps  his eyes averted and hands me a parcel, I’ll have to give him something at Christmas, maybe a pair of women’s PJs.

Lounging around the house all day in PJs is very liberating, not as much fun as being naked, I think I’ll have to be a nudist in Japan in future, anyway its liberating because you are all relaxed, like being in bed without being in bed. Wasn’t the Jewish guy in Sex and the City a daytime nudist, you know the one who married one of the girls. Anyway try it for yourself, but make sure you double lock the door and close any curtains, the last thing you want is your mother in law coming in and catching you all in the nude.  

Shanghai tradition is that you spend all day in your slobs, or PJs then only when you go out  do you put your street clothes on, so if you come around our house it’s like watching  Boat People, all dressed from a charity shop, a very bad charity shop. Then when the wife puts on her makeup and the kids follow her it’s like Disney just sprinkled fairy dust on them all, I follow on looking like Baloo the Bear. I suppose it’s God’s sense of humour.

Outside the home, which is Chinese English, my wife with girls in tow stop traffic and should be modelling, in fact my wife works for a children’s fashion retailer, even producing videos for the website. But when they come home they look like refugees again, as for me I never change I look like Baloo the Bear always.

So what should I say in conclusion, being a home nudist is very relaxing, especially if you have no kids or mother in laws to disturb you. I only stumbled on this life as my bathroom was downstairs and I was not going to wear a robe to go back upstairs to put my clothes on.  However its always best to hang loose, you never know when a Japanese girl might hand you a Gillette.