Surreal Conversations

Surreal Conversations ©

By Michael Casey

I’ve just had a surreal conversation, I have them all the time, they are fun, it’s a bonding thing that me and one of my brothers have. If you were listening it would sound very Left of Field, so Left of Field you’d be scratching your head. But between brothers, it’s just normal, we start at A and go to B and then C or even D, then he’ll throw in a curve ball, or even a letter from the Cyrillic alphabet, so I reply with a Chemical equation, so he’ll answer with an Undertaker’s reference, we have Undertaker friends after all.

There are over 50 years of references and connotations and then there is the plain daft, and a memory about dad looking like a Russian soldier wearing the old coat my brother gave him, and how he frightened the Black Lady to death when he let loose with an almighty fart one winter’s night as he came home from work. She thought it was a bomb and could have died on the steps of the undertakers’ such was her fright.

Normal family memories, doesn’t every family have them. We may reference something from 20 years ago and sub-reference something on Star Trek. Dennis has such fancy phones, I’m sure he stole them from Captain Kirk, yeah, but Dennis would have to visit Dr. McCoy, he always has Klingons on his starboard bow, his “girlfriend” is such a dirty dirty girl.

So on it goes backward and forward, we’ll mention a Carry On film or something from a Classic Radio 4 Comedy, Hello I’m Julian, and I’m Sandy, WE are Bona Hairdressers, I’d love to do your highlights, just let me throw my dust sheet over you. Filth absolute Filth but at the time the BBC just hadn’t got a clue, I’m Sorry I haven’t Got a Clue is another BBC show but I never watch or listen to it, so I cannot possibly comment. You would say that wouldn’t you, are you a Politician? Take that back, call me an amoral animal, or even an Estate Agent, but calling me a Politician, you take that back or I’ll TRUMP you.

We both start laughing, Nurse, Nurse, where’s his injection, SLAP, I give the injections not you, what kind of Nurse do you think I am? Not the kind I want. SLAP. In actual fact a BBC Radio show got into trouble for Sexist Behaviour towards Samantha, who was the butt of innuendo and all manner of laddish behaviour. The only trouble being Samantha did not even exist, she was a device, not working in Vice, she was not a bad girl like that. It, or She was a comic Device, a tool for fools to make us all laugh.

I should at this point mention Battered Husband a short play of mine was called sexist by a small theatre company about 30 years ago. They missed the point, I was sending the whole thing up. And as for the BBC they banned piece of mine from a website of their because the tag line was “And just send me 10 dollars”, it was from Internet Story which is on my website somewhere. And why did Auntie BBC ban it? Because it solicited money.

So if you feel my Surreal Conversations are Left of Field just think of the BBC’s own logic and despair. Though if anybody wants to buy me a house then.

 http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-59043865.html

I would of course sign a deal to publish all my books and put my stories on the Radio, once terms were finalised. But maybe this piece will be banned too.

I may just emigrate to North Korea, but that would drive  their Mr Kim to Suicide. How surreal would that be?