Comedy Writing, Allegedly

Friday, 8 June 2018

Comedy Writing, Allegedly

Comedy Writing, Allegedly ©

By

Michael Casey

Well I’ve finally got around to writing the Comedy piece I’ve been promising. Other things arrived in the day, like bringing in the dustbins, in 2 stages as the bin men arrived at different times. Yes, real life gets in the way of being an Artist, no sniggering in the ranks or I’ll get Larry to hit the backs of your legs with wet lettuce, that’s Larry Grayson, not Larry Olivier. Larry Olivier was never any good with wet lettuce, ploughmans’ lunches were his speciality.As for Larry, Larry Grayson, he was always good with a wet lettuce, ask Pete his Postman, that’s Pop it in Pete.

Now if you are American you might think I was off my Meds, or needed to be on some by those explanations. However this is Comedy Writing, Allegedly so you will have to Google things for yourself, I’m too lazy to explain everything. And Googling will make your eyesight weak, so use a bigger torch under the bedclothes, or you’ll have to see nurse in the morning, this is Harrow or is it harrowing after all. And to harrow sounds like a strange verb or is it noun, the BBC  have been using nouns as adjectives lately, the England Writer,instead of English Writer. I’m not very patient with them, it sends me out in blisters, but they never listen to me no matter how hard I SHOUT at the tv.

But this is just silly little me, the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham, THE ONE IN ENGLAND, there can only ever be one real Birmingham and that’s in ENGLAND. That’s just me making it clear to my USA readers. I’m sure they steal my stuff and put Sarah Palin’s name on it and so I’m big in Alaska, or rather she is, and I don’t get a penny in Royalties.

As for Royalties, the Queen stole a pair of my shades, and the corgis returned it all dog eared. Never trust a Queen is all I can say, apart from Barry the drag Queen I know. I meet him often outside Tescos, we share the bench on the street, Bazza as he is know always has a nice word to say to me, one day you’ll get a Pulitzer Prize Michael he says repeatedly. He’s so thoughtful, apart from leaving his legs wide open as he sits in stockings and suspenders and an evening dress split to the thigh, like Amal Clooney’s, but better. He does wear the same shade. of lipstick through.

But I digress, which is like cross dressing but with thoughts and not clothes, it could be worse I could be a nudist, the sick bucket is to the left of your computer screen by the way. Well I just noticed I’ve gone past 500 on the clock, no wonder I’m so tired, 500 hours in a day, what planet am I on? Hollywood? Though we have a Hollywood in Birmingham too, though HOLLYWOOD is USA not Birmingham, though don’t forget what I said before though, BIRMINGHAM is England, you can keep your HOLLYWOOD.

Where was I, what’s that ringing in my ear, did somebody slap me, or is it the telephone, or just my Tinnitus? Yes I’m still here, like those old hippies with the never ending tracks like Crowded House, or backward stuff like the Beatles. Yes ridiculous thoughts, as Cranberries sing in my ear, I’ll have to hold on, too many girls in my house I cannot get in the bathroom. David Bowie used scraps of paper, I just use scraps of background music playing, or just reality. And what is reality anyway, you’re in for one hell of a trip when you get to Heaven.

So have I written any comedy yet, or is it just a bad experience and you’ve wet your pants, as you could not get into the bathroom. It’s just the Queen trying to look cool in the mirror in my shades, you try getting past her corgis, I dare you. So what can I say about Comedy? Well surreal is my favourite word, so think Picasso on a good day, where you can actually understand his Art. Then imagine Jackson Pollock comes in with the coloured chips from my local chippy, he trips over one of Picasso’s nudes, a real one not a painting. The chips and kebab sauce go everywhere, and that’s how Picasso and Pollock found another avenue for their Art. You Dozy Pollock was also invented as a curse, the nude on the floor did not like vinegar in her belly button after all, it made her squirm. Though she did invent a new style of exotic dancing.

Well my kids are demanding chocolate so I’m off to the Polish shop to fetch it for them, as for Comedy Writing, you’ll just have to make your own up. I could get Knighted in the morning, Sir Michael Casey, what do you think? It’ll never happen, it’s as likely as the youngest son of a Kerry Blacksmith becoming an International Famous Writer. I can hear God laughing now, not at me but at Einstein trying Pole dancing with Stringfellow in the Angel’s bar.