Shop Art to Shop Reality

Friday, 17 August 2018

Shop Art to Shop Reality

Shop Art to Shop Reality ©

By 

Michael Casey

Well I’ve know my local corner shop guy for 32 years now, so the banter has been passing back and forth for decades. When I wrote The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker back in  1987/1988 finishing on Leap Year’s Day I never knew which way my life would go. The one constant is the corner shop. Though I’ve lived here so long I can remember when he had not actually gained the corner. There was a furniture shop there so he had to wait before he could buy it out and then knock the wall down and  achieve full corner shop status.

I’d had a vacation from his corner shop so today when I returned, I  said my divorce lawyer had told me to pay the shop a visit. His wife laughed like a drain, he had previously asked my wife had I fallen out with my wife as I hadn’t been to his store in ages. So today on entering  the store I said to the new staff loudly and to the boss himself, I heard you had gone bankrupt and ran away with a Filipino. I  tried he said, which is code for he tried chatting up my wife. Normal Open All Hours banter.

He resumed by saying that my wife was clever, I know she has a degree in Bio-Chemistry, she could slice and dice you and rearrange you chemically. My nephew has just got a 2:1 in biochemistry from York, perhaps he could help, I continued with a smile. The new staff look on trying not to smile, so I explain to the hockey team, they look like they should be playing hockey for England. Which reminds me of the hockey story in Butcher Baker Undertaker. I explain that I know the Boss so long we both had brown hair, 32 years ago, when the boss only had 2 kids not the 6 he’s finished with. I know him so long I remember when he used  a spoon to carve away at the old furniture shop next door.

I realise I am not embarrassing my sparring partner enough, so as I look around the spruced up shop .I add, did you find the footage of me and the Boss French kissed just by the checkout. Just burn it all in the shopping trolley in the back yard. Make sure you don’t miss any bit. I pay for my milk and bread, safe in the knowledge that the Boss will be the talk of the Temple for at least a week. 

As I leave I spot another new staff member, I  lean in to him as he works on his clip board. On second thoughts, don’t burn that footage of me French Kissing by the soft drinks, with the Indian owner. Just blow it up to poster size and stick to the side of the store. This will prove the store is Gay  friendly, and encourage the gay pound. With that I left the store, with my milk and bread swinging in the plastic bag by my side. 

As for the owner he is going into semi-retirement, which could just mean working 40 hours a week instead of 95. Either way I wish him well, maybe he should sponsor the hockey team, they could have Shop with Smile as a logo.   

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