Carry on Shakespeare

Carry On Shakespeare ©

By

Michael Casey

As you know if you have been following me I did do a bit of Shakespeare, they can’t touch you for it, so long as your coupling rhymes, as Kenneth Williams might say. I also enjoy the Carry On films, though the Politically Correct Revisionists now view everything from today. History was then not now, if I might throw a bit of Philosophy into the cake mix, let’s see in 9 months how my buns in the oven turn out.

Because Shakespeare was so long, Kenneth don’t you say a word, so long ago, there are difficulties with language. You need to bone up on the lingo, as Bona Linguists from Round the Horne might interject. That’s the thing with language it has so many leanings, and your leanings can get you into trouble, not just with the trouble and strife. I hope this is all clear, and if it is not then just try Head and Shoulders.

Carry On started 60 years ago so the newspapers are saying, but Shakespeare was carrying on a very long time before that. So you need to know what all the carrying on means. What’s a codpiece for example? Go to your fishmongers and ask can you see his cod piece, he won’t be showing you his fish dinner. Sir Toby Belch, Falstaff and Co were heavy drinkers, in today’s parlance 17 pints of Stella Artois and one packet of cheese and onion crisps. Prince Hal did find his bar bill after all, while Falstaff lay snoring.

It is worth the effort trying to understand the language, read the play first, or watch the video then go visit the Globe, don’t just be the tourist. My small daughter has been twice to the Globe in London and she really enjoyed it. I just wish I could go, maybe if I just bring my commode to their abode. Just a thought, I certainly would give them measure for measure.

Now in today’s world what merit is Shakespeare? If you look or rather listen to the English Language you’ll realise all the phrases that Shakespeare gave birth too. He was a midwife to language, so we should thank him and laugh with him. He did serious stuff too, but I’ll let Me Dears explain it all to you, those thespians as Les Dawson would say as he rearranges his bosoms while  he is sat open legged in drag on a park bench. Shakespeare did a lot of cross dressing too, maybe that was why he put it in his plays, or he could have just been kinky, you’ll have to ask a Don, no not a Mafia Don, an Oxford Don, you are so silly as Ken might laugh.

Where was I, yes I was just taking off the wife’s knickers, I better put them back in her knicker drawer before she comes home. She gets mad if she catches me wearing her clothes, she claims I stretch them, the cheek of it, Lycra is supposed to stretch, I’m only 248 pound after all. Lighter than Barry White was, though I don’t think he ever wore his wife’s clothes, all that singing he was always getting it on, whatever that’s supposed to mean. 

I can understand Shakespeare but not 70s disco, I put my back out once on the dance floor, too much Barry White, I was escorting him to the bar and he  slipped and fell on the dance floor and landed on me. So I’m not as fond as him as I used to be.

Which brings me to Donald Trump, what would he be like in Shakespeare? Love is a many splendored thing, but forsooth the tan the tan, his hide has been tanned too much, take him back to the tannery. The bird is nesting in his hair, what manner of thing is that. Midas wants his bling back, bling back, bling back my Country to me. Let us bend on one knee for sanity.

A proclamation, a proclamation, bring me a scribe, bring me a codpiece full of proclamations, off with their head they cannot keep up with all my  proclamations. The pen and ink lies go kill all the scribes, empty the monasteries of the learned men. They know nothing, burn the books, burn the books, ask the cooks to cook the books, and let them drink their own soup of lies. Only my truth is truth for I am a king and dear, so please do not leer. Stop whispering to me, stop prompting me, for only I am a GOD.