The Final Homework

The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker Laughs from Birmingham England

Tuesday, 4 December 2018

The Final Homework

The Final Homework ©

By

Michael Casey

Well I said yesterday that I’d write about Homework today, so here we go, though I did see that I’ve covered the topic in some ways previously. So you can hunt it down on the site, I’m still trying to hunt this cold/flu down. I got up and felt fine now I feel rubbish again. I spotted Germany scooping a load of stuff this morning so Allo to them, I did try and learn German but found it too hard. I can do a bit of French and Spanish, so if we ever meet in the street we can try that. English is my mother tongue, though my family is Irish, and the wife is from Shanghai, so our 2 daughters are bilingual. Then there is Totoro the cat with the Japanese name who is tri-lingual, English, Chinese and the sound of opening plastic.

But shall I get to the topic in hand, Homework, though I have proved my point already if you are quick you will have spotted it too. Homework needs to be done, not put off forever, and ever and ever. You need to be disciplined, SLAP, did you feel that slap across your behind? Yes, you have to be disciplined and control yourself. I spent my working life doing shifts, which meant I had to get up on time and catch that early bus, or the late bus with the drunks going into town for the night shift. Then half dead in the morning after a 12 hour night shift, catching the bus home with the Saint Paul’s school girls, hello to Sister Agnes et al.

All of this is by way of explaining that I had to be disciplined, I also did the “rubbish” shifts because it made me more employable, so when 14 years or so of nights ended I then did the Noon till 8pm shift. Little wonder I ended up marrying late, though as my cousin’s wife once said, you love them more when you have them late, the children that is.

Which brings us to the matter in hand, Homework. Now my girls are of the age when it really matters. My big daughter is going A Levels in 6 months time, I’ve already paid for the UCCAS thing, and she has 3 offers already to do Bio-Chemistry. So the question is how do you study? Well at her level you have to be selfish, SORRY I’M STUDYING and slam down the phone when your best friend since Nursery rings. They might be super smart and hardly need to study, we had 4 Doctors I think in my generation. In her’s probably even more as she at a very good 6^th Form place.

My daughter like me and her uncles like to study late, when it’s allegedly quieter, though MUSIC yes MUSIC is always in the background. I have some playing now as I talk to you all, for them it’s company and a wall to protect them in their study bubble, for me nowadays its to counteract the Tinnitus I’ve acquired this year. Tinnitus is not just for Christmas, it’s for life like a puppy.

You have to tidy your desk and have everything ready to study. My daughter’s desk is to the left of me, under her new desk is a large plastic container as big as a chest freezer, almost big enough to conceal a boyfriend in. Though in fact it has lever arch folders galore with Chemistry, Biology, Maths and Philosophy in, all the easy subjects.

While I’m here the Grade Boundary idea is a load of *&&**, you may get high 80s in marks, but still not an A, or whatever. Why because they divide the Results into batches, like herding sheep into pens. And then allot the grades, which affect people’s lives. So if there are lots of clever people, and Science people tends to have them most. Then they could all get what would be an A  but because of the sheep pen mentality, once the sheep are sorted from the goats you get a C, even though your actual mark is very high. I’m telling you this because you may not know. However I’m told that nowadays the Mark scored is also on the certificate, so 85%, a C will be on display so hopefully employers will understand.

Now where was I, yes SUITS, is very good we’re catching up with it on tv, but after 2 episodes you need to hit the books. Study then reward, study then reward. A bar of chocolate gently chilled is waiting for you, after hours of study as you have a cup of tea. I’ve just made a cup of tea by the way, I limit myself to 4 instant coffees, very weak by USA standards. Anyway you have to have a schedule or things won’t work out.

I can remember 40 years ago, yes that long ago a guy in flares talking about study methods. If you study for too long  you forget what you have learnt, you are not as receptive. So he said I think 90 min slots with 15 mins off was best. If you are forever doing late nighters you are in fact damaging you brain, an hour before midnight is better than2 afterwards as far as sleep goes etc.

Mix and Match the subjects you are studying, I suppose Philosophy is a nice break from Maths, Biology or Chemistry at A level. I’m pleased I have some inkling about Philosophy as for the others, it may as well be Chinese. I think because my daughter does know Chinese her brain is wired differently to English only people. Ditto if you are from an Asian family and speak various languages, you have an advantage, even though this week’s Guardian is telling us a lot about the ice age mentality of some people…

I always tell both my girls that Three Times Repeat method is always best, as is reciting aloud, though trendy people will not agree with me. The most important thing of all is that your kids know you love them, I know all about an A minus is an F, as the Chinese guy said in Glee, we don’t have that attitude in our family. However if you know you can get an A then aim for an A, watch less SUITS, and get that A. There is nothing worse than knowing you should have got an A, but you were on the phone “multitasking.” YOU CANNOT MULTITASK at A Level, you have to say, Shut Up and Go Away, to your best friend. Let the 1975s or whatever year it was be your company as you do all those Maths equations, I cannot even use a scientific calculator.

Yes RELAX, but you need to timetable your life, just as I did for 30 years and more. Once these 6 months are over you can plan all the drinking you will do in the student bar, and by the way get the Kiss Bug jab as Meningitis is know as in the trade. Then you can relax at UNI, as University is called, I also heard that A Level science is actually harder than degree level as far as the study load is concerned.

It’s 2pm now on the clock beside me, so I need to eat, or I’ll get very ratty. I may watch SUITS on tv as a reward for writing these 1300 or so words. The most important thing of all though is that your kids know they are loved. Exam results good or bad or indifferent, so long as they know they did their best then that’s ok by me and by them.

You can always go work in Woolworths was what my parents used to say. Love is unconditional, even if your kids drive you mad, just make sure you put chocolate in the fridge for the next six months, then everybody will be happy.

My own life did not have a straight path, it zig and zagged and looped, but I’m happy enough, despite all the chronic pain, because I am a Writer, despite what some of you may think. And guess what in 1989 my play comedy Shoplife was accepted for Production by a Theatre, and it was in part based on life in Woolworths!