A Nudist's Guide to Walking

A Nudist’s Guide to Walking ©

By

Michael Casey

As everybody is talking about Covid 19, I don’t really need to say too much about it in my writing. And we’ll all be sick to the back teeth with Plays and Films all about it. Why? Because 7 billion, 7,000,000,000 of us have experienced it, so do we want to pay a dollar to see the film of it? No doubt howls or rage, but would you want Christmas 365 days a year? That’s taken the howls down by 6,000,000,000 at least. Now to amuse you all, while you spit at the screen, here’s an account of my Locked Up Life, what I am being a hypocrite, or just another government adviser. No, I don’t any have women sneaking into to my home to give me “personal care”, maybe I should put my address and phone number at the end of the post.

Now as you know I have to be careful having had a heart bypass, so I stay indoors and things are delivered, in a way not much different to my life prior to Covid 19, though as a government advisor, I do get recreational visits from women twice a week. That’s a joke should you be speed reading this. So, what do I do for exercise? Well going to the toilet 20 times a day is my exercise, as the toilet is far away from where I am sat most of the day in front of my PC, though I do use a 9 or 10 year old tv as a screen for comfort, and soft toilet paper too. 20 x 40= 800, so toilet time is 800 metres, because I walk or run there and back every time I have to go.  I did not realise it was that much, it explains why my belly has not got even fatter.

Obviously, I’ve been told to stay indoors, because I’m such an ugly ____, insert a word to describe me, you really are such cruel people. I  wouldn’t let you in twice a week, such horrid horrid words to talk about me. So I do need a bit of other exercise, up and down the stairs to use the bog is not enough, so what do I do? Well if you’ve read the title of today’s talk, I go walking in the nude. The weather has been so kind, so I take advantage of the weather.

At night when the coast is clear I disrobe, and sneak out the front door as naked as I was born. Letting the breeze blow the cobwebs away is always nice, better still if there are no cobwebs, and if there are then you have not been exercising enough, I won’t elaborate, let’s just say you’ll have nothing new delivered at Christmas. So gently and gingerly I skip down the garden path, winking at our garden gnomes, who hide their eyes behind their fingers. Have they never seen a manly man naked in a front garden before?

Then I look left and right and decide spontaneously  which direction to go, in the end there only is one direction, so humming Harry Style’s hits I prance off. As I go along the pavement I look all about me, the whole street has been abandoned these Covid 19 days, so I move into the centre of the actual road, and off the pavement. I can wiggle my way manfully, stopping occasionally to touch my toes. I am so fortunate I have such a firm pair of buns, a lifetime of standing and prancing around computer rooms and foyers and so forth has made me such a tight arse. If I really were a government adviser women would visit twice a week to interrogate me, just how did you get such a tight arse, would always be on their lips.

So, I nimbly walk about my area, up down and around and back again, a circuit in the twilight, my hairy mass and ever so gorgeous tight ass on display as I go about my way. Then tossing my head backwards I let my ever so gorgeously soft and silver hair wave in the twilight twinkle of the stars. Aliens from above would remark, why is that fat fool prancing around naked in the dark, I thought it was only us aliens who never wear clothes. Though he has such a tight fat arse, perhaps we should abduct him, and get him to breed with us aliens, then we aliens would have great arses like him. He can keep his silver hair, us aliens are all Gingers, it’s a know fact, aliens are Gingers.  

After 20 mins, I have had enough exercise and its is time to come home, nobody will recognise me in the dark, beside I have no clothes on, so how could they identify me. Well apart from the A3 size brown and hairy birthmark on my left shoulder, but nobody would ever see that in the dark. I get home and the garden gnomes avert their eyes again, though one local cat  runs away in fear, seeing me naked before them. A takeaway deliveryman spots me and pukes all over the pizza he is delivering, pepperoni of course.

I get back inside and get myself a Stella from the fridge, I deserve it. So on I go with my night-time nude exercise, nobody will ever be the wiser. Unfortunately there is an App, and everybody is using it, not the Covid 19 App, but WhatsApp, I have been filmed, and everybody but everybody in Old Forge and Singing Anvil has recorded and shared my dusk dancing and prancing in the dark. I have even been edited together to cover all my routes, a full HD video of dear naked me.

Then one night as I have my key in the lock, a voice behind me, it’s a policeman, he follows me inside my home. I’ve been spotted, it’s a fair cop. And indeed it was, for it was a fake moustache, the Policeman was really a women in disguise, she had come to take down my particulars. The rest you can make up for yourselves, as we practice with handcuffs…..