Fat Dave and the DJ

Sunday, 1 April 2018

Fat Dave and The DJ

Fat Dave and the DJ

By

Michael Casey

Dave was fat and old, and needed a wash, he had the needs a wash smell about him. But he lived alone since his wife had died when she was hit by a supermarket trolley in the large car park of the local supermarket. The trolley had not been parked right and had had a nudge and went crashing down hill over all the pot holes and killed her. Lemony Snicket could not have written it any better, but it was the reality, death by supermarket trolley. But at least they paid for the funeral and did offer a free shopping voucher for life, to compensate for her death.

Dave turned down the offer, shopping as a remembrance of his wife’s death would not have been the same. Though the store really did have such great offers. So Dave these past 20 years got fatter and fatter as he found solace in fast food and take aways, while he listened to all the music they used to enjoy together. Can I Touch You there by Michael Bolton used to be their foreplay song, now he just ate chips and dipped them in loads of tomato ketchup. He did get a payout but not the supermarket voucher one first offered.

Barry White’s You’re my First MY Last My Everything was another romantic piece they listened to as they tested the springs on their marriage bed. Now pizza boxes lay scattered about the house. His one and only one was not there any more, his hot water bottle was not there any more. You are the Sunshine of my Life, was not there any more. Oh Jean he proclaimed was not there for him, as the tears for all his fears and his love of all those years was gone, gone, gone.

He had too many Miss you Nights now, since he did not have her, he had been a man and he had really loved his woman, but now she was gone, not even leaving a watermark. Just a dent in an old supermarket trolley where it had hit her head. He had only had eyes for her, and she had left him crying in his sleep. All that she wanted was him, and now she had lfet him high and dry, with just the tears of a clown to comfort him. Has just about staying alive but he had night fevers.

So on and on and on, he played the music that was in him, he let the music take over. If he didn’t he be under attack, from demons. He was searching for a hero to help him to save him from being under attack from demons. He went through their shared record collection, backwards and forwards, looking for an inner vision. But the music was too much, he thought he’d have to throw it all away. He decided to gather up all the CDs and take them to the charity shop.

On the way to the charity shop, a new saviour entered his life. For as fat Dave struggled with wicker basket on wheels which contained all his cds he met a DJ. The DJ really did save his life. For Miles the DJ helped him move the wicker basket to the charity shop. In fact Miles took over and they chatted on the way. Miles knew all about music and therapy. Miles had broken up with his boyfriend at the exact same time fat Dave had lost his beloved fat bottomed wife. Miles boyfriend had betrayed him in the most vile of ways. He had ran off with a straight haired woman, not even nice locks but a straight haired women with bad makeup had stolen the love of Miles’ life away.

So they consoled each other. Then Miles had an idea, he’s give fat Dave his Samsung S9+ 128gig Phone in exchange for trolley load of CDs. Fat Dave would have 10 times more music and a phone he could use, not that he’d ever use all the fancy photo stuff. Fat Dave struggled for a few minutes, but a bargain was a bargain, and maybe with new music his heart might heal. Miles also gave him his BOSE headphones, he’s had them 6 months and besides Miles always changed his headphones every six months.

So with a wave and a smile fat Dave pottered off while Miles rung for a taxi on his backup Apple phone, he was a DJ after all. Now when Miles got to the club that night he decided to use an old CD player, and he announced that tonight he would only play the basket.  Then closing his eyes he picked out one of fat Dave’s Cds and played a few tracks. It was Boston’s Don’t Look Back, followed by It’s Easy and then A man I’ll Never Be. Quickly followed by Tina Turner’s Steamy Windows, then Simply the Best. I’ve tried everything came next, followed by I want it all, and then Lifted.

On and on the night went on. A disit a basket, I pull one from the basket shouted Miles the DJ over the frenzy. Whatever love Dave had had for his wife was in that basket and it was splattered all over the dance floor. Love is Stranger, Sisters are doing it for themselves, Miracle of Love with Sex Crime to follow. On and on went the music. Dancing Queen came next, pandemonium on the dance floor. The Music Basket was an utter utter success. The owner of the club immediately gave Miles a 3 year contact.

As for Dave he discovered Spotify and all the other music that was on the 128 gig on the phone. Miles rung him and said would it be ok if he came by the next day. Miles arrived with several women in tow. They all wanted to meet the inspiration. They were a little surprised to see fat Dave and his untidy house, but once they started to talk music they were totally smitten. The women were Lesbians who loved to dance when they were not running several house and office cleaning companies. So as they talked music with fat Dave they cleaned and polished. Two hours of dancing later the was immaculate. And Dave was gently glowing.

Obviously they all became firm friends. So fat Dave has a succession of very pretty girls coming to his house to talk and dance to music while they cleaned. Miles went from strength to strength with his what’s in the basket routine. Fat Dave’s neighbours were jealous and one old lady called the Police and said he was living off immoral earnings. Some people are evil that way.

A Police Inspector arrived, but he understood, in fact he was gay and knew all about Miles and his basket and how it had all happened as Miles had met fat Dave on the way to the Charity shop. So the Lesbian cleaning company owners added the Police Inspector’s house to their list of contracts. In actual fact they ended up cleaning Police headquarters too, its an ill wind that blows no good after all.

Miles was livid when he heard the story and that’s how he met the Police Inspector, as they say an Inspector Calls, so Miles and Trevor became a couple, I won’t make any comments about handcuffs either. Dave was happy with his new Lesbian cleaner friends but what with all the cleaning he lost a lot of weight. So fat Dave was introduced to a North Korean Cheerleader girl, who wasn’t a Lesbian. And they married and had 7 children each more beautiful than they next.

Obviously Miles did the music and Trevor sorted the parking out, there were 1000 guests after all. And instead of gifts there was an empty wicker basket, and cash was put in it. Dave with not want the money nor did his North Korean Cheerleader Bride. Instead all the money was donated to the local children’s charity.

God works in mysterious ways, Dave made new friends for life after he’s lost his wife. Then through his cleaners he met a new wife. Miles had a life long arresting experience too. So look to the stars everybody.