2013 Report Card

2013 Report Card ©

By Michael Casey

Well this may be my last piece of writing for 2013, so I may as well copy everybody else and write a report card. This year has been the most painful in my life, Arthritis came a calling. I did hurt my back a few years ago then at intervals I had back pain.  One period resulted in me being confined to bed for a week and screaming a lot, so the neighbours wondered why.

This year in March my left thigh hurt, it didn’t get better. Finally after 2 Xrays all was revealed, I had a hip problem and 2 “thingys” at the bottom of my back weren’t having much fun either. Then I saw a surgeon, Arthritis and hip replacement were mentioned. In the end I had a cortisone injection which should look after the pain for a year.

Arthritis is a bastard though, you have it here and you  have it there, you cannot sleep on this side or that side and then you get pain somewhere else as you are sleeping in a new funny position. Then there are the painkillers. My mother had arthritis, she had buckets of pain killers which she never took, just stockpiled over the pantry door. Very occasionally she gave in and had a pill.

I’ve decided not to have any painkillers, as they’d just destroy my organs and I’d turn into Michael Jackson. So I wait till the pain almost makes me scream, and then I squirt gel and rub that in. Kicks in in about 5 mins.

Arthritis is as unpredictable as the weather, so my hip may not hurt but it’s the turn of someplace else to hurt, back or shoulder or any other joint. Speaking of joints I heard that some people use joints for pain relief, I never have or would as I hate smoke of any kind. I am an Arthritis Virgin compared to some of the people I have met, so I hope if any of you read this you may understand just what your Nan or teacher or old Mr Jones in the street is going through.

2013 saw Facebook die on me, I may have upset MZ, or I think I was hacked, as my location was North South East West and any other place, where I never have been, I was even in Westminster Hall, and outside Downing St, and in USA, at Palo Alto where all the Tech companies live, I was even in the White House. So were Assad and North Korea’s boy trying to find me and my ISP hiding me. It also had the wrong browser when I checked my details on FB. So this Panzi, this Fat Fat Boy, as is my Chinese nickname, what my wife calls me to her mother, is dead to Facebook.

LinkedIn is useful for making connections, so I’m trying that, I’m waiting to meet my big business partner. My writing can be used for a variety of things. You can just read and laugh. Or you can use my stuff to teach English as a 2^nd language, I was an Esol teacher, 2 excellents and an exemplary, yes really. You could even use my writing to teach customer service, I was a concierge in a 4star business hotel for 3 years.

So 2013 has been a game of two halves, pain and hope. Sounds like some bondage game, and no I’ll leave that to Dr Who, if you have seen the Christmas show. You must always put pain to one side and enjoy life as best you can. So long as I can type then Arthritis will never win. I’m able to bore, irritate my readers, well just the DT ones. The others I hope enjoy the tales I tell.

2013 saw me spend more time with my daughters, as a housfrau, making more of their meals, as my wife worked more. For my daughters a change from rice with everything was a small blessing. Shanghai/Birmingham blood means they follow Chinese diet 90% of the time. As well as food there is TV.

Sharing TV favourites with your daughters is great, it’s a bonding experience. Though schoolwork comes first and TV second. We enjoy films together too, so if they become 21^st Century Barry Normans I will be happy. Though some Disney shows are dire, with a really horrible laughter track, does Disney know laughter tracks are hated in UK, ok, maybe just by me.

Getting daughters to spent less than an hour in the shower, as you scream through the door. “ The Electric Bill, The Electric Bill” Just like Kenneth William in a Carry On film. This is one of the many things you learn as a housfrau. That and going out to get them chocolate or chips from the corner shops, if you cannot buy your daughters these things then you don’t really love them. That’s how daughters “blackmail” dads, and no dad would want it any other way.

So how should I finish my 2013 Report Card?  Love your daughters love them lots, and then they’ll visit you often in the old peoples home, and then they will bring you, chocolate and chips. Happy 2014 everybody.