Adventures in Reproofing

Adventures in Reproofing©

By Michael Casey

Well as I said on LinkedIN earlier in the day I’ll write about reproofing. I’ve got a couple of old coats, one is very warm but soaks water up like a sponge, though I do stay dry.

The zip broke and they wanted 30quid for a new zip, so I thought it was not worth fixing. Then I had an idea, velcro, so I’ve had it velcroed  for 8 quid. The other coat I got cheap thanks to Shaz, he worked in the shop so I got a great discount. However after 5 years the water resistance has gone.

So I was thinking about reproofing, so I looked on Amazon and read the reviews, then I picked the cheapest offer. You get a sachet of reproofing liquid for 5quid, enough for one coat, or garment if you like the posh word.

It did not come for a couple of days, and today the postman walked right past the house, so I thought I’d have to wait a day more. Then the postman doubled back and I got my treasure.

Now I wanted to do a proper job and not waste the fiver I’d paid on the reproofing liquid. I had to wait for a load of washing to finish first before I could requisition the washing machine.

So the load finished and I hung out the washing. Then I prepared the washing machine, I took out the tray dispenser, this we had not done in 10 years. We knew it was 10 years as Ma, was over from Shanghai for the birth or her 2^nd grandchild, when we last messed with the washing machine.

So following the instructions I cleaned all the washing powder off the tray, spilling water all over the kitchen floor as I did so. I took the dispensing tray into the bathroom and power washed it with the shower.

Too much force in the shower meant the water bounced back all over me and my jumper. But at least the dispensing tray was really clean.  My wife joined in and cleaned out washing powder from inside the washing machine, where the tray normally sat.

So then I wriggled the try back into position. Next you have to zip up or rather velcro up the coat. The other coat still had a working zip, so I zipped that up, and left both hoods hanging out. This is rather like a cake recipe, you have to do everything slowly and deliberately.

I had decided to use the delicate setting on the washing machine, I had never ever used that setting before. So I switched it on to test where the water came in, it had to come into the correct compartment on the dispensing tray, or all would be lost.

Having verified where the water would come in on that setting I poured the reproofer into the right compartment. Some men may not even know there are 3 compartments. So this was like setting up dominoes ready for a world record, everything had to be pin point accurate.

Then I started the machine on no.14 on the scale. I then went back to my computer, though I did look out the window and notice that my wife had rearranged the way I had hung out the washing. I never can please her with my use of clothes pegs.

A hour later still the machine was not finished, then 2 hours later the machine would not release my two coats from the water torture of reproofing. I was tempted to say Chinese water torture, but my Shanghai wife would throw a cushion at me if I said that. I just double checked with her, she has not yet heard of that expression.

So I thought I’d release my two coats from reproofing, just turn the knob and then the water will drain away and I can hang out my coats. Only as I put the bowl out to carry the coats into the garden, as I opened the door I got a flood all over the kitchen floor. “Paper,” I screamed to the wife so then we had to hunt for paper, only the recycling bin was emptied this very morning.

As I tried to catch the excess water, and lay paper at the same time my wife just laughed, I am her clever and stupid husband after all. Then I emptied my bowl of water before removing my 2 coats and carrying them into the garden in the plastic bowl. I left a sea of water on the kitchen floor.

As I hung my coats on the washing line my neighbour was carrying newspaper to her recycling bin. God was laughing at me too, his clever and stupid creation. If you touch the coats it’s like wax had been deposited on them, making them waterproof. That’s when they dry out, but for now they are like sponges.

I squeezed here and squeezed there, rather like milking a cow, though my cousin does have a dairy farm. And another cousin works for the dairy in Kerry.

Anyway my coats could enjoy the March sunshine. I told my neighbour if she heard me scream I was probably being electrocuted, so she must just hit me with a stick, the wooden linepost would do. You do of course have your entire life flash before you when that happens, a friend was electrocuted 30 years ago and he told us that fact.

Back in the kitchen I switched the washing machine on, to a different setting, to drain the last of the water out. Then I finished mopping the floor with towels, and put them in the washing machine, where else would they go. But I won’t be using any exotic settings on the washing machine any more.

Now it’s night time and my coats are both still wet, I’ve brought them in as fog is expected over night. In the morning I’ll hang them out again to dry, and then finally I’ll have reproofed coats.

Though the proof of it will be when it’s wet, and I’m not talking about the kitchen floor, nor the bathroom floor, or even me. I mean when it’s raining again. We have had the rainiest Winter in 250 years and I must be the only person who wants it to rain again, just to test my two reproofed coats.