)Over The Garden Fence

Over The Garden Fence ©

By Michael Casey

It was very sunny here in Birmingham yesterday, so as I was home alone, my wife and daughters are in Paris, I decided to annoy my neighbour. If you are wondering why I wasn’t in Paris too, then I should remind you that I had an unplanned Triple Heart Bypass a couple of months ago etc.

My neighbour was digging, so I asked my neighbour was she going to plant potatoes. Mary replied that she was not, her Irish accent growing stronger, I had annoyed her straight away. She joked that she might hit me with the shovel, so not be annoying her, as she wiped her nose on the back of her hand. Mary is sophisticated that way, the perfect foil to her rugby playing doctor boyfriend. She digs potatoes, while he breaks limbs on the rugby field, but sets them afterwards, he is a doctor after all.

I mentioned to Mary that the garden fence was flapping in the wind and it could come flying off and hit me. Mary leant on her shovel and spat on a worm that had wriggled to the surface. A bold magpie swooped down and had the worm a la spit, a perfect snack for a magpie. “I’ll add it to me list” she replied.

I have the knack for improvising, years in a computer room and in a hotel makes improvising second nature. So I told Mary I would help fix the fence, I went back inside my own house and returned with some elastics. “Is that knicker elastic?” laughed Mary. It did look somewhat similar, in fact it came from a mattress topper. Now it would fix the fence and save it from flying off and hitting me.

S

o I threaded the elastic through a hole in one of the fence boards, then I told Mary to tie a knot in another not knicker elastic, and finally in a 3^rd piece of not knicker elastic. Once this was done we tied it around a fence pole. Hey Presto the fence panel was secured and thanks to the not knicker elastic the gap in the fence disappeared.

I gave Mary a cup of tea over the fence as a reward, only I put sugar in it, I’m diabetic screamed Mary clutching her throat. I’ll ring for an ambulance I said. Then she started to laugh, she liked pulling tricks on me. I decided I had enough sun and Mary for the day so I went back inside, besides Sky News was on, I couldn’t miss that what with the Election being on.