Picking the Winner

Picking the Winner ©

By Michael Casey

Well it’s 18^th April and the Election is less than 3 weeks away so I thought I’d help you all choose a winner. I was in fact a trainee betting shop manager in one of my previous existences, so I should be able to help, well so much for the theory.

When you pick a horse you can go on form and how glossy the horse’s coat is. You can see who the jockey is and the jockey’s win rate and so forth, you can go on the pedigree of the horse, its parentage and so forth. And if all else fails you can pick your lucky number or the colours the jockey is wearing.

But what of Politicians? They have pedigree too, they are all bastards, that’s what we can all agree on. Though some guy or girl can be a right bastard, but would be a great M.P. he’d fight your corner, he’d be a great man of the people or woman  of the people. If you read chapter 9 of my novel The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker you’ll see my view in full, there M.P. means married to a people, and an undertaker wrote all the election speeches.

Now who do you pick? The guy in the nice suit who smells nice, cK1 and all, or the grubby one in the crumpled suit. Or the nice lady in the coloured shoes, with the skirt showing off her legs, legs so much better than her party’s policies. Or would that be a non PC thing to say. Or the man who looks at his reflection all the time, who can’t wait for his leader to lose so that HE can become leader, this election is just a stepping stone, HE is showing his legs metaphorically, he’s just waiting till he can run for leader.

There are blunt M.P.s and candidates, who you wouldn’t mind to spend an hour down the pub with, who are really interested in you and your area. There are the professional politician types with the glazed over eyes, who are looking at their watches all the time, but do make good speeches. The question you have to ask yourself is would they take their jacket off and help change a tyre for you if you broke down. It’s always best to judge people by their actions.  

Women have intuition; they can tell if somebody is “nice” this is what we should all be doing as we see this guy or that guy on the tv or on the radio. On the doorstep, we just tell all of them to  “piss off” as we are watching Corrie, we take their leaflet and say we will vote for them as we rush back to Corrie. So the figures are skewed while any soap is on tv, as we all lie just to get rid of them, soap beats politician hands down, any time.

This election more than any we are all already bored by it as it’s been going on for too long, so in the end we will all rush to the Left or to the Right at the last minute; though I would always say use your vote tactically, just so those looking at their own reflections and who are little robots get a kick up the backside.

Vote for somebody you’d enjoy spending an evening with. I can actually reveal that maybe 45 years ago I did attend a political meeting, I even bought a raffle ticket to win a glass ashtray to raise funds for that party. If I had stayed maybe you could be voting for me today, in this election. Michael Casey M.P. what do you think about that?