Smile you are on camera

Smile you are on camera ©

By Michael Casey

Life imitates Art or so they say, from Truman Show to a school in York, cameras everywhere. They say we have more cameras in UK compared to anywhere else. You can be sat in bed with your girlfriend, and still be watching your Kebab shop, all thanks to a micro camera and the Internet. Big Brother and his super dupper little brothers are changing surveillance as we know it.

We have lots of surveillance in our street, Mrs Brown at no.48 is always in the window watching, no she’s not an Amsterdam lady of the night, she’s 94 and likes to keep an eye on everything, ever since her husband sneaked off without telling her. He in fact died and he was carried away by the undertaker Percy Frost and his son Jack Frost.

Mrs Brown’s family decided to let her believe he’d ran away with the girl from the ice-cream van, as her heart was so weak she could have died of shock. That was 50 years ago, and still to this day Mrs Brown always  hoped he’d come back , she always listened out for the sound of the ice cream van.

So we have cameras as extra pairs of eyes in our street and all over the place all over the country. The only thing though is that there are not enough real people there to view all the cameras. So now we have machines monitoring the machines, facial recognition and so on.

In films people distract the security teams so they don’t spot Bruce Willis entering the building dressed as a Scotsman in a Kilt, playing the bagpipes, I can vouch for a fact that bagpipes are incredibly loud, especially in a crowed bar. My point though is that the best place to hide is in plain sight then nobody will see you.

Going back to the school with 1 camera for every 3rd pupil, I know if I were there it would be a challenge to see how quick I could do the rounds of all 500. Such a challenge to be on all 500 cameras in the shortest period of time. If anybody is reading it up at that school, though I’d call it a prison, and their parents pay £34,000 for the pleasure, I think 90 mins or the sports  lesson is time enough to be on all 500 cameras.

There is a prize for the winner, a Yorkie bar and all 9 of my books to read, while you are in isolation for being so naughty. I’ll leave it there now, I have a photo shoot to attend now. 1000 cameras as I’m the new nude reclining in Birmingham, if only that Chinese billionaire wanted to pay millions for my image, or my books, if he does not like my looks.