Finnish Fish Fingers

Tuesday, 4 May 2021

Finnish Fish Fingers

Finnish Fish Fingers 

So Finland is the latest country to expose themselves to my writing

They've come out of the Sauna

Steam rising everywhere

As I look like a coal smudged Coalman delivering nutty slack

Obviously I'm naked as I feed the boiler for the sauna

Will they wash me like in a Japanese bath house

And yes Japan was looking at me yesterday too

A room with a view of my enormous coal smudged backside

It was coal wasn't it, well it'll wash away in the Finnish sauna

Now if you watch Studio Ghibli then you know about the black balls

of smudges that are washed away in the sauna

So don't black ball me, have some sanity and laugh

Though some readers may be swooning at the idea of me 

The naked coalman, and I can remember our Coalman

coming up the entry with two hundred weight of coal

In the 1960s delivering coal to the coal shed

Which was beside our outside toilet

And guess what I could have died in that coalshed

Because when I was 10 I reached for some paper 

To make a guy for Guy Faulkes

Tumbling down  came a lump of metal

A two ring gas burner and hit me on the head

My mother wrapped a tea towel over my bleeding head

Then we caught a bus to the hospital along the Dudley Road

So I had my head Xrayed and did they say it was cracked

And that may explain a lot to you all

So never paper over the cracks

Reveal all, as you sweat in the Finnish sauna

Some cartoons made with words for you all

this Spring May morning

And let it be a warning, don't put heavy things on high

Or you may just kill your cheeky kid

And no sweating Finnish would be reading this

Because he'd be dead, and could not join you in bed

No matter how well read, that's if you are smitten

by what he or is it I have just written

I'll Finnish there, so beware of the coalman