The Things I Love, The Things I Hate (c)
By Michael Casey
Well I was having a leak, then I had a thought
The kitchen tap was dripping, as was I
Then I thought I could write something new
So I pushed the cat away as she as following me
She'll following anybody for the thought of food
Or she'll just stay as she is, not unless you offer 80 quid
If you rustle food wrappers she'll come
But otherwise, fat chance, this cat is staying on the mat
Though banknotes, the plastic sort, do sound like food wappers
But it has better be 80 quid, or she'll stay where she is
We offered 20,40 then 60 but it was 80 I think
Before Totoro our cat stopped grooming
she was a litter of 4, but sadly the other 3 are no more
7 years old now, a reward for my quadruple heart bypass
I told my girls they could have a pet
A dog if I died or a cat for a heart attack
Then no sooner had the words been said
At Christmas 2014, I could have been no more
instead 13 Jan 2015 I had what turned out to be
my Quadruple
I've told you all this before
So me repeating myself, must be something you all hate
I do love to hear stories, and that made me close to my dad
In fact I was practically in the same bed as he , in 1996
But they had made space on the ward, so I was in the the one
next to where he had been
I love sunsets, and views
I used to look out the office windows
on Smallbrook Queensway, overlooking the Chinese Quarter
Little did I know in 78 that 20 years later, a piece of Shanghai
would come to me
I love puns and plays on words, maybe because I have learnt
So many languages, Latin, French, Spanish and English Literature
as well as Shakespeare at Open University, Level 3
in addition to decades of BBC Radio 4
Then teaching English as a 2nd Language to the Shanghai girl
Not Forgetting Esol English in an Islamic school
So my view on words can make me quite absurd
I'll even put in a rubbish rhyme, like a school principal
who should know better, but no names mentioned
as I don't want them to cry
I hate bad writers who bore me with their style
Harry Styles is the only style I like, I'm listening to him right now
He's calling me a Woman, it must be my 3 breasts
Long Term Paracetamol gives you man boobs
and now a Hernia in between, no wonder Harry is Confused
But at least he can sing
I do enjoying ad libbing to songs I know
Adding a new line, in a different voice
while I wait for the kettle to boil
Though my neighbours next door tolerate me
It may be because of my 3 boobs
and my 3 cups hanging on the washing line
They can't work out how to address me
Man or Woman, or IT, maybe Sam would cover it
Though Political Correct People, complained to BBC
about Sam's treatment on a radio show,
Even though she was a non existent comic device
I hate left-overs too
I eat everything I put on the plate
No waste me
Though when you look at me you'll say
LIAR, big tum like Winnie the Pooh
46 inch waist, to match my Beyonce backside
If she saw my tight firm bum, she'd cry
Cry me a River, almost, until
it winds past Timber on the Lake
I like him, I sing along to him too
PSY is a good, he reminds me of myself
If I had talent, and could move like him
But I am 120 kilos and he is not
I'm all Birmingham style, Wobbling
PSY is like a singing and dancing Benny Hill
I've worked out how to watch Utube on our family telly
So now I laugh along to PSY
When not watching K Drama
And Alchemy of the Souls
was very dramatic, I was amazing
Maybe she is not the girl for me,
all she can do is use a sword
I bet she cannot type
She's having my Baby, Harry Styles sings
The Alchemy assassin would just kill me
so it won't be her, who comes and types for me
I like running jokes too
Though, you may not understand the concept
Like British Humour, it's not just Slap Stick
and Telegraphed for Americans
Clock strikes 6pm, News on TV maybe
I love News, and current affaires
But I detest rubbish, about how many affairs
X Y or Z has had, and splashes all over the Newspapers
What 2 people do, is up to them
It should never be all over the TV and Newspapers
Besides I don't want a staple all over my 3 breasts
or enormous, Beyonce shaming backside
Podcasts are rubbish too
Whatever happened to Radio
I was a Royal, and I hated it
etc etc etc
Most people are worried about the Gas Bill
So self indulgent people, just make me want to puke
I hate Liars too
Trump, being the biggest one
But he'd be elected today
As USA is just too stupid for words
PAUSE
while USA readers revolt, or agree with me
I'd imagine if you are reading this
YOU agree with me
I hate sports men who state they are doing it for their Country
or for their City etc
They are doing it for the MONEY
If they do some good they that's fine and dandy
But most are just very very Randy
which rhymes with dandy
And they are all Dandies too
as they can afford too
People not knowing their own Style
brings me back to Harry
What am I now, he sings
Take time to discover your style
And stick with it
Obviously, I look like Charity Shop left overs
But I live with 3 women
and a female cat
They know what is best
So I'm a Gay Dad by default
Devil wears Prada was on TV again last night
So don't wear Elton John track suit
No matter what brand it is, Elton you look like a Chav
You can thank me later
He's covering for Taylor Swift, and Snoop Dogg
who do my high dusting
Though he may just say Life is not Everything
and smile at me
Well I've put this down, as I had a break in the Tinnitus
and now the pain is coming back, Codeine is wearing off
and I got spelling right in the end
And life is like that
So long as you get it right in the end
All is forgiven by God
Though he may not like my writing
and I'd end up as a greetings card writer
DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING
end
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