How to Keep the Kids Occupied

How to Keep the Kids Occupied (c) 

By Michael Casey

How to Keep the Kids Occupied  without getting the Police involved

Well you could handcuff them to the dustbins or a filing cabinet

A friend of my brother was actually handcuffed to a filing cabinet

It was in France, and he was drunk maybe

In Korea they give you a blanket and send you home

Koreans drink 4 times more than Americans

I read it somewhere

They drink more than Czechs if that is possible

Now as I've subdued you, or is it  the  booze

How do you keep the kids occupied

without invading their bedroom

and you can take the door off the hinges to avoid

SLAMMED DOORS

no door no slamming

I just remembered my Trainer in 1998 did that

I seem to remember now her mentioning that en passant

The Trainer was not a Lion Tamer, or Elephant Tamer/Trainer

No I was on a Presenting Course

Caroline Whitehouse from StatsMR it was you

so big Thank YOU

are you screaming now

Yes you and the Sisterhood allowed me on a Presenting Course

this was followed by my trip to Pilsner in Czech

and my Famous Czech Story

Ewina gave a 10 for it, then took a mark away

cos nobody is Perfect

But back to the Plot, though it may have been a ploy

to get me out of Birmingham and into Oxford ACNiesen office

which looked like a 6th form college, with a field behind

but I digress

This is how you teach Presening

You gather around a Table

The Trainer pulls various object out of a bag like a Magician

Or the Trainees pull objects out of the sack

Then they are placed on the table

the 5 trainees pick one each

They are allowed 5 mins to look at their object

and No a bottle of beer is NOT one

Thought StatsMR was legendary for drinking

It was a Market Research company into alcohol sales company

Otherwise, not one drop passed their lips, hic

So once you have your object you take turns to talk

for just a minute about your object

afterwards you get friendly feedback

then the 2nd person speaks for 1 minute about their object

afterwards friendly feedback

and on it goes

Then a new selection of objects is chosen

But

This time 2 mins explanation

Repeat

So you build your speaking time and get feedback

THE NEXT day

You have to speak for 15 mins

Which is Speech Time, as Kennedy said 15 mins is enough

The next day at Headington Oxford

I was due to speak for 15 mins

I told them about my Paris misadventures a few months earlier

The main event was food poisoning and me going to to a Pharmacy

and asking Avez Vous de L' asparin de bas prix

I got a box with a tube inside, bigger that extra strong mints

Asparin Tamponne was on the box, it was green

No string

It was a new word for me in French

Tamponne means in a tube

Obviously I thought it was something only girls know about

as I opened the box

outside on the wall was a machine, not chewing gum

But a Preservative vending machine

Preservative is a French word go Google

and google is shy, Preservative is connected to 

saving you from disease

Go ask the Frenchman in your class

Anyway, as I told this story

Carole Wilkes, I seem to remember she was there

If not, forgive me Carole with an E was it

or Hello Gill with G

So they laughed till they cried

The trainer asked how long did I think I had spoken for

I said 15 mins

She said it was 30 mins

The next day I flew to Pilsner in Czech

and I ended up in an English language Classroom

Where off the cuff I spoke for 90 mins

I could say much much more

But I've taught you how to Present now

500 each maybe for a 2 day course

I don't know for sure

Then I went to work in a hotel a few years later

Speaking to 100,000 people maybe in 3 years

Mini conversations

Years later a Teacher in an Islamic school

ESOL English

so the presenting course helped

Caroline Whitehouse thanks again

I did get Excellent Excellent Exemplary 

from my Outside assessor for my Esol Teaching

Now years later I've written 20 books

80,000+ words written so far of book 21

2,000,000 words in books maybe

but if you count everything 3,000,000 words

or 8 to 10,000 pages

Like all the pages of a Printout from StatsMR

into Alcohol sales

So this is how I keep myself occupied

despite

the quadruple heart bypass, arthritis, hernia in centre of my chest

the headaches, the Tinnitus that is like a Barometre inside me

and Ckd with GFR of 25 as I try to avoid Dialysis 

So if I can Carry On so can you

and maybe a miracle happens

I did get one in 1996 when my dad survived his heart attack

8 weeks after my mum had died in the marriage bed

and then after visiting my dad every single day for 3 years

I finally met a Shanghai girl

and the  rest is History

But a typist and 4 more sons maybe

Could be my next chapter, or story for you

Will a Singaporean come and get me

or will the Undertaker get me first

Though it could just be a Fishing Fleet

in Singapore who reads me overnight

They haven't told me, so maybe I'll never know

Though I could do Stand Up all about it

at the Masala night club in Singapore

Enough, I have to go for bread

Enough said