Don't Quote Me I'm a Politician

Don't Quote Me I'm a Politician (c)

By

Michael Casey

You said you hate your mother and you hoped she'd die a horrible death.

So Why should any of us vote for you?

The Politician splutters.

Well go on, explain yourself FancyPants.

The lashing continues.

The Politician continues to splutter.

The Interviewer intervenes.

I'll just have to cut you off there, Penny in Farthing.

The Interviewer spotting his chance at radio fame takes over the lashing.

Why were you such a BASTARD to your own mother, your only mother,

who gave you her titty to feed you, to nurture you, you BASTARD.

The Politician regains his composure.

I WAS 3 AT THE TIME, SHE WOULD NOT LET ME WATCH POSTMAN PAT ON TV.

But that's still no way to talk to your mother.

Thanks for coming in to bore us with your policies, we won't be voting for you anyway.

Now on RadioQAZWSX here's Dolly Parton with Stand by Your Mam, or Man

Whatever.

So now that everything is recorded for Posterity, do Politicians have a chance.

Well no, we all hate them anyway.

Close the garden gate, and take your junk mail with you, I mean the junk male, the one smoking his skunk as he leans on my gatepost saying how much he loves trees. There's enough bark in what he's smoking.

Don't patronise me, how much you are a member of the community, you've lived 400miles away all your life. And as for your wife I've never seen her down the local Tesco, or at the Bingo. And as for down the nail bar, she'd never go to one of those. Mind you Tina's nail bar is the worst, not even the rats would go in there. The Boomtown Rats that is. And why should I vote for you? You and your girlfriends, I've seen it all in The News of The World, so it must be true. What you give me an extra 100 a week if I vote for you. I'd suck your toes if you offered that, of course I'd vote for you. Will you come in and I can practice, it must be hard knocking on knockers all day. Just come in for a quick cuppa, the BBC man has stopped following you.

Yes of course I'll vote for you, I've always voted that way, never the other lot, can you just help me peel a few potatoes for the dinner, it'll look good on social media. The Politician comes in and peels potatoes, in the kitchen she meets all the Politicians from all the colours of the rainbow. One is making beds, another is vacuuming, another washing windows, another is helping with maths homework. Upstairs an old man is laughing his kilt off, that'll teach the bastards to come to our house. I was Douglas Stewart air steward , the other one was on the BBC, I used to get his mail by mistake so I kept all the stamps, I had quite a collection.

So on it goes, we neither like or love any politician, they are all in it for themselves. But if they offer us anything, an electoral bribe of course we'll vote for them. And we'll swear we'll always voted this way or that way, or even the other way. For their's is the one true way. So Help Me God, not that I believe in God, I only believe in myself, I am a POLITICIAN after all the Cream.