Family Decision

Family Decision ©

By Michael Casey

We have been going through a process for several months now, and as you can already guess we have not made a decision. If it’s a bloke he makes his mind up quite quickly. How much money does he have in his pocket, or in his bank account, and if there’s enough he’ll buy what he needs. Me, I only have a few quid in my pocket at any one time, any less and I’d be Royalty. Royalty never carries any cash, even though Grannies/Mommies image is on all the coinage, just so they never forget who they love, and who is the Boss. So I can be an impulse buyer and buy what I want, be it a loaf of bread or a pair of Clarks shoes. But what if it is something more expensive?

Well if my have my card in my pocket I’ll spend money, so I leave my card safely at home, otherwise I’d be bankrupt. That’s no doubt how the Royals grew their fortune. Same as when I’m on holiday I’ll spend money easily, but once back home from holidays, I hide my card. Luckily our dogs have good noses and can find it again, I wrap it in a smelly sock to help them.

Now back to decisions, if it’s just me then I’m very quick. But once you have a wife and then daughters things take longer and longer to decide. Years ago picking our first car was  easy, I picked a Skoda, I’d done all the research and that’s what I could afford. But then your wife says she prefers X or Y or Z, so you spend time investigating X then Y then Z, before you know what, she agrees with me that the Skoda would be perfect after all. I suppose this is marriage the world over. My dad’s death meant we had a bit of extra money so we upgraded the model of the Skoda, having a bit of comfort as my dad used to say.

Daughters bring more joys to a family, and longer decision making times. You can’t just buy a thing you have to buy a pretty thing, a nice and pretty thing that must be PINK, well for a few years anyway. I have 2 daughters and a female cat, so I am outnumbered 4 to 1, little wonder I become a gay dad, this means I have to learn about Fashion and Colour Coordination. So when I buy something the Female perspective has to be taken into account, so any packaging that is pink or just pretty wins hands down. We eat Warburtons bread not just because it’s very nice, but because my girls like the pretty Orange wrapper it comes in.

Many decisions in a family are simple and obvious but you have to share decision making, whether or not you want to. As somebody once told me, it may have been Elaine Palin the poet, you are living with 3 girls you haven’t got a chance. Though I like to think that I am the dad, a cross dressing dad, but I still wear trousers occasionally.

So my word is Law, let’s stop right here. See I even put a full stop, or period for any American readers. I’m not one of these old fashioned dads I treat my girls like adults, probably from when they were 7 and could finish the Times Crossword in under 6 minutes.  Now some of my statements are comic devices, apart from the cross dressing, as I’m always angry when I get dressed as I am a nudist, the little old ladies in the seniors home down the road have a telescope you know.

As I was saying before you all side-tracked  me,  decisions just take so much longer when you are in a family. As a lad it’s around the chippy for a kebab and chips, then you have a Shanghai wife who can cook so she demands vegetables, so you ask what are vegetables? Then children come along and you force them to eat their vegetables, sweet or is it bitter revenge for what their mother did to you.

Every item in life is shared and laughed at in a family, where did daddy steal Eddie Izzard’s dresses from, and hasn’t daddy learnt that pink and sage do not go together. 

I could go on but this chair is really hard and I don’t want to get a splinter in my bum again. Last time my girls laughed so much they peed on the floor, they blamed Totoro the cat for it too. The sight of me lying on the settee with my bum in the air while my wife used a needle to get the splinter out was just too much for them. Thank God it didn’t end up on Facebook, hopefully nobody would have recognised my behind, it would have been the end for me otherwise.