Who Dares Read Me

Who Dares Read Me ©

By Michael Casey

 While I’m hiding from the paint fumes I’ll have a little chat with you, as Totoro hides under my bed, she does not like paint either, or she’s afraid she’s be used as a paint roller. Mr A our decorator is busy painting, with a shower cap on his head  to protect his Afro, it really is splendid, but now with the green shower cap on his head it’s not  as  nice. My daughters are giving him tea and biscuits to keep him happy, and I’ve just bought him some Sprite and Polish biscuits from the Polish shop. We did of course give him Lasagne for his dinner. You really have to look after decorators you know, it’s like getting a doctor’s appointment, or finding an honest Politician with or without Blonde hair.

So why are we decorating, because we really need to, and we are thinking of moving house. Somewhere bigger for our dogs, I mean our 2 daughters, and our dogs, though you will have made your own  jokes up already now. As I talk to you I wonder how the humour goes down in 12 and more countries that read my stuff, Singapore,China,Russia,Poland,Germany.France,Portugal,Nigeria.Ukraine, UK,USA  are just some  of the places that have popped up on my readers list.

Is it because the themes are eternal, or my writing last an eternity, I cannot guess what makes you all laugh, though I did get 3 years practice  when I was at CPNEC Birmingham, speaking to 100,000 people, some even said I had an act, I didn’t I was just repetitious 100,000 times. Which is a transferable skill to writing, I’ve just been and made more tea to flush out my cKd kidneys, but I have to make sure I don’t drink too much as the decorator won’t be finished in the bathroom for 2 more hours, and I cannot cross my legs for that length of time, I’d need to water my houseplants instead, and salt water is bad for plants.

When it’s all done we have to send photos to Shanghai for the mother in law to look at, my wife is on a visit to her right now, and she said she’d castrate me, or was it castigate me if I made a mess in the bathroom.  I’m not quite sure what the difference is between those two verbs is, but me and Mr A the decorator don’t want to find out, there are no positions for castrati  in the local church choir, and we don’t want to be the 1^st two. We will take him out for panini and a drink when we finish, as a thank you and as a huge sigh of relief that our singing voices will remain basso profundo, and not Minni Mouse.

Other than that it’s been a quiet day, I had a look at our bathroom it looks  so good now, 2 more hours and it will be fully finished. Then I’ll take a photo of it with me sitting on the loo with my pants down, only revealing the newly decorated bathroom, then I’ll boast it’s all my own work. Send the photo to Shanghai and my wife will say what I’m saying is so far-fetched it’s like shit from Birmingham.