Explaining Politics to Children

 michaelgcasey  Uncategorized  31/03/2019 4 Minutes

Explaining Politics To Children ©

By Michael Casey

Imagine you have to explain Politics to kids, what would you say and how would you do it? All Politicians are Liars and Bastards could be a good opening to begin with and grab their attention. Politics is all about Public Service, could be another line, just make sure you don’t say pubic service by mistake or you’ve lost your audience forever.

So what exactly is Politics, “the art of the possible” is one famous quote, you get a stale 2 week old Easter egg if you know who said that, no cheating on Google. Will kids in today’s world believe you if you said the Liberals were once a major force in politics and Labour is a new party, relatively speaking. Would kids have heard of the Whigs, and where exactly did the Tories come from as a name for the Conservatives, “nobody knows  Sir, they are just bastards” may be one interjection from Clegg at the back.

So you start by explaining what Democracy is, the kids say that this lesson is so boring and vote that they go and play football outside instead. So then you have to explain that teachers are dictators, so can they all sit down again and put the ball down. Such is modern day teaching, having taught myself this writer can vouch that it is even worse than that.

So you start the simple way, you’ll explain each party in turn. So you start with the Labour Party, so some wag at the back says it’s a party for pregnant women. So you reply that it’s an ever growing party as their numbers grow every 9 months. Then you talk about unions etc, the kids think this is so boring, until another wag says the students union is the best one, as the beer is so cheap, and he cannot wait to be a student. Was Tony Blair’s policy all about getting millions to drink cheap beer? I suppose in the end you do get a degree as well, I’m told 41% gets you an engineering degree, but the maths is so hard, could Prince Harry have passed engineering maths?

You try explaining Liberals next. The class is ahead of you and say they are all wear anoraks and smoke skunk, that’s why they wear sandals as laces would just be too much on shoes, besides laces become snakes if you take too many legal highs. As for yellow being their colour, it’s because they eat too many curries, but Birmingham is the best place in the world for curries, did Sir know that? Liberals like jointing things, such as Cameron’s government,  in fact they’ll join anything,  it’s the only way they can make friends.

Moving on to the Conservative, the clue is in the name, conserve, keep steady and not change too much. Aren’t they just rich bastards Sir? So you have to explain they have their own businesses and work hard, that’s why they move to nice areas. So they don’t have to mix with the likes of Smith and Jones, Sir, comes from the back. So you ask a rhetorical question, imagine you win the lottery, where would you go and live? I’d live in a nice house with those rich bastards the Conservatives, Sir.

UKIP, is next on your list, does anybody know what UKIP stands for? They don’t even know themselves , Sir, comes from the back. So you explain, United Kingdom Independence Party. And no they are not a Real Ale appreciation party. They are more than that, though judging by the leader, there is a large element of truth in that statement.

Scottish Nationalists, what exactly are they? Well they are Scottish and they are in fact a Separatist Party. They hate the English or so it feels, they are very clever because the educational standards are higher in Scotland. If only I could teach in Scotland bemoans the teacher as he kicks the football and it hits Clegg on the back of his head, but at least it makes Clegg pay attention.

All of the parties do have one thing in common, they love the sound of their own voice, they love being interviewed and getting a few quid every time they are on telly. The food and drink in the Houses of Parliament are great and cheap, that’s why a lot of M.P.s become alcoholics or just fat, that’s why they lean back and sleep in the chamber. The story of microphones imbedded in the furniture is just a myth they are just a bunch of old sots.

Now students I do hope I’ve explained the political system to you, we do have such a bunch of wonderful people ruling us. You can watch The Ruling Class the 1972 film with Peter O’Toole as homework. Don’t forget as you can now vote at 16, thanks to Prime Minister Miliband, don’t forget to go out and vote on Thursday. Now let’s go outside and play football.  Sir’s been smoking skunk again laugh the kids, Sir must be a Liberal.

************

this is from maybe 4 years ago but it is universal. I’m in too much pain to write anything new, I can barely breath with pain.

The Bad Housewife

The Bad Housewife ©

By

Michael Casey

Now as you know I am a Hausfrau, my German readers will appreciate that word, so at least one word in today’s story will strike a cord with somebody. The rest may be total pants, which used to be Jon the Hippy’s favourite word about 30 years ago, before he became rich and successful. Jon taught me to ride a bike, after a fashion and to appreciate alcohol, though I never drunk more than 2 pints at a time. So what has this got to do with alcohol? Well let me go and have a drink then I’ll tell you, you can go and have a drink yourselves and then come back to the screen. Is that a deal?

Well I had a snack so my stomach feels better now, and much fatter too, you are all so unkind, Lech, Boris and Gregorgi have not returned but I’ll resume without them. I sure they are busy with the still in Warley Woods, listening to me is not a priority for them at the moment. 1000 litres of fresh Woods Own Vodka is much more important. That’s what they call it, as a marketing device, though they sell it in old plastic bottles. English Vodka would not sound as nice, so they call it Woods Own Vodka. It would be poured down the drain if the Police and Excise ever found it. Luckily it’s on Sgt.Mulholland’s patch so it is safe. He gets a bottle from the first tasting, in a glass bottle too, 2 litres as well. It’s all about Community Relations after all, and Sgt. Mulholland is descended from generations of Kerry Potcheen makers after all.

The point being if you are a Bad Housewife you can easily become a good alcoholic, as you are home alone, and a nip here and a nip there in between chores easily amounts to alcoholism. I must go and make another snack now. It’s supposed to be better if you have smaller meals  instead of big ones. It’s better for digestion, is that why I’m still so fat, you lot are so cruel, I’m going to sulk.

I sulked for 3 days, did you miss me, did you even notice? Ok I’m lying, the date is on my talks, so I cannot trick you. Back to the plot. If you don’t have a plot then you will get lost. So a plot is a good idea, or a pencil and the back of an envelope. What’s this got to do with being a Bad Housewife? Well if you have a list then you can work your way through it, or as my mother used to say, throw salt at it, and it will keep. You will procrastinate forever if you don’t have a list. You can chip away at the list and bit by bit the hausfrau’s chores are done. Though chores really is an American word, errands is more English I suppose, bits and pieces is a kind of word an old lady called Louise might use. Or I’m just going to the shops, any requests? Is what I say most of all, and the girls always answer CHOCOLATE.

So a  good housewife will have a plan, and by having a shopping list you save money and don’t buy rubbish, or that’s the theory. In my case I buy all the offers and try and save money that way. However some things are just too heavy for me, having it delivered by a man in a van is always a good option. Try carrying bags up a very steep hill after your breastbone has been split, even now 4 years on it hurts if I do that. So I have to live within my limitations, and budget, like any good housewife. Yes maybe I should get a donkey, literally and figuratively, to share my burden.

A good housewife has a plan for all occasions, and eggs in reserve. You can make a meal with eggs. Fried egg, scrambled egg, hard boiled egg, French toast,just add bread to the egg.  That’s 4 different things and flavours. If you have some mushrooms left over you can make a mushroom omelette, add any left over cheese, or any bits of meat, it turns into a Spanish omelette. You can even add left over potatoes. A housewife can save the pennies and feed her pigs. That’s what we call our girls, our little pigs. What do you call your own kids?

I won’t repeat what I just heard hurled from the other side of the screen, but I did laugh. Being a Hausfrau is a busy life, a different life, I stumbled into it myself. It has meant I’ve spent 10 times more time with my girls than the average dad. If you always wanted a family, then having Time with your kids is great, even if you never have enough money to do all you’d wish you could do. Am I a bad housewife? I won’t answer that, I hope I’m a good dad, and only you can say if I’m a better writer.

  

The Hiss in my Head

The Hiss in  my Head (c)

By

Michael  Casey

As you know Tinnitus came visiting a few months ago,  this is a "HISS" in my ears, a bit like static or a naughty little brother, that won't go away. I've discovered that Taylor Swift helps me sleep. I put her music on and have it in the background as I try to sleep. I did try just radio, but there are far too many adverts. You can get an  App with all the radio stations so that is great, but for the purposes of SLEEP I need something special. Simon and Garfunkel works as does Fleetwood Mac.

The Music drowns the little brother, don't be tempted to do this in real life, no matter how much your patience is tempted, I'm speaking in Metaphors, rather like the Queen who talks in riddles apparently.  The hiss has to drown, the hiss has to be drown, God save the Queen. It really is bad if  you cannot sleep because of this permanent hiss in your ears. Lately even with music playing it can take hours to  get to sleep, and then I still awake like a Vampire every 2 hours, or at 7am so I can wake the girls up for school.  Yes it's a strange existence, which may explain the writing, or did you think that already?

In actual fact 90% of the writing is done on the hoof, I get the idea and go. Sometimes there is a little planning, or I think "now there's an idea for a story" such as today I've been impressed by something, so I may write about it at a later date. What? Well you'll just have to wait and see. I also met a nice lady today by the name of Janet, so maybe she'll stumble over this, and be surprised. I once was on TV talking about chips to Tony Maycock, it was 1977, and a girl I worked with was so surprised she nearly gave birth. It's Michael on Tv she screamed, she was very pregnant at the time. Where I worked at that time everybody was pregnant, all except Pauline who was really nice. Though I visited later and then she was pregnant. The "code" for the office was rather unique too, you can work that out for yourselves.

Tinnitus is not fun, it's more of a curse, now that I've had it for a while, which is too long, I really understand it. At night there  are no background noises just the static  in your head. The past few nights I've not been able to sleep at all, or so it seems. So as dawn breaks you are just so exhausted that you fall asleep. And then you have deep sleep,except that you wake up 2 hours  later, or 1 hour later. No wonder my hair is getting whiter, but still so very very soft. My daughter said tonight I look more like Einstein, so I put my tongue out, just like him in that famous photo. My GFR is 32 now, go  Google what that means. It's not good.

As we have  a good view of the stars form the new house, I open the curtains at night if it is not too  cold and stargaze. It takes my mind off the hiss and I try and spot the Plough and the W thing as the stars rotate past my bedroom window. If there  are clouds passing by at night you can almost imagine shapes and forms as they drift past and put their tongue out at me as me and my HISS lie together.

I have to charge the old devices so I have enough Noise Maskers to last the night. I have a couple of small radios with 3watt speakers, so just in case my music machines die I still have another, like relay racers of fresh horses to get the good news from Aix to Ghent. Or from wake to sleep, via music with Vampire Awakenings every 2 hours or less.

So now you understand why I need to have naps on occasion, because I'm just a useless machine that is falling apart, I'm talking about my body now. Though I'm sure some may find me ridiculously attractive, or is that just the Korean girl who works in the MORTUARY.

List of readers from WordPress site

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michaelgcasey Uncategorized 28/03/2019 0 Minutes

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is it 60 countries, count for yourself  just on my WordPress, and more countries on my Blogger

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Russian Eye View

michaelgcasey Uncategorized 27/03/2019 6 Minutes

Russian Eye View ©
By
Michael Casey

Now I seem to be getting more and more Russian readers, so I’m going to tempt Fate and write something with them in mind. I did write something with Polish readers in mind once, and my Polish figures dropped off, but they may have just finished reading the best bit. I did get 21,000 Polish readers in under 3 weeks for a Polish Translation of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker which is still on my sites. Lately all manner of readers have enjoyed my comic novel in a variety of languages, all over the world, its all on my WordPress site too, just find my Blogger ID and follow the link. https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/
THOUGH I’D PREFER YOU TO BUY THE ENGLISH
https://www.amazon.co.uk/l/B00571G0YC

Now a History lesson for the rest of the world. I once did an Open University course 3^rd level in History and one in Shakespeare also at 3^rd level. There was a lecture at York University Summer School, and guess what all the other History Doctors of History attended. The lecture was on the Eastern Front, i.e. RUSSIA. And what did the Doctor of History say? The War, World War Two as we call it, was won on the Eastern Front. If the Nazi bastards were not defeated there and tied up there then the Dday invasion could not have happened.

Think about that, and think would Nuclear Weapons have been used on Berlin to end the war? And that’s why Russia feels the way it does, it had the Nazi bastards in their backyard, in their living room and in their cellar, every _____ where. We in the West are generally ignorant of the Eastern front. Now we can argue about post war and so on, but you have to understand what Russia suffered. Just as we need to be aware of the Famine in Ireland, and the Civil War in USA. It’s only by understanding the background of a People’s suffering that you can appreciate their Present.

I hope Russia accepts I’m just a Fool hoping to make everybody laugh, I’ll poke fun at everybody, but I hope I do it with love, like your fat silver haired writer uncle in shades from Birmingham the one in England. I might also add my Lech, Boris and Gregorgi stories are about Polish,Ukrainian and Russian first cousins. You can find the stories if you search my site.

Now where was I, in the shed trying to have a quiet toilet, only there is a rumbling noise, I’m trying to pooh, and I hear this noise, how can I concentrate. I’m about to clean myself, there is a gun shot whistling through my beautiful silvery hair. Then I scream as a hairy claw scratches my behind. Gregorgi has shot a bear dead while I was on the toilet, the toilet is an old oil drum with a wooden seat on top. We are in the Arctic circle, do you think you get 5 star plumbing everywhere? I’m in a primitive outside toilet next to where the Huskies live.

Well, at least you’ll have a new fur coat says Gregorgi, and a bit of meat to share too. He then examines my bum, and the Huskies take turns to lick it. The indignity of it all, is this how Russians treat their guest from Birmingham. Though I do like the way the gun shot has parted my beautiful soft silvery hair, I look more like my mother than ever.

Gregorgi throws me over his shoulder and takes me back inside the quadruple or is it quad roubles glazed living quarters. At least I have pulled my trousers up by then. Once inside he reaches for the vodka, now if Lech and Boris were here the’d debate the merits of Polish, Ukrainian and Russian vodka. While sampling several bottles of each. But we are in Russia with Gregorgi so we are drinking, or rather he is drinking Japanese vodka, left behind by tourists.

He swishes the Japanese vodka around like a wine expert and tells me to drop my trousers and show him my bum. I was scratched by a bear, so he has to check for infection. His wife laughs heartily, she is busy sharpening her knives prior to skinning and butchering the newly dead bear. Gregorgi spits Japanese vodka on my bum, that’s to protect you from infection he intones.He wouldn’t waste good Russian vodka on my bum, that’s why he picked the Japanese variety from his small supply of 100 litre bottles. Up in the Arctic you have to have plenty of everything, just in case.

He then leads me to a room and asks me to get on an exercise bike, only I have to sit side saddle as my left buttock is bear scratched. I had the same problem as a child 50 years ago when I fell on a bolt hold an old Anderson air raid shelter together. So when my brother came home from Oxford University I had to show him my 1/2 metre of plaster, from my waist to just above my knee bend. Months later my GP removed the stitches on the doctor’s couch, only he left one in and I pulled that one out myself. So your family is clever said Gregorgi, but you are the one who always has a pain in his arse. He laughed and laughed, and knocked over a pile of still wet icons.

So as I got on the bike he explained, I was to top up the batteries and get some fat off my arse at the same time. In the room they painted icons for the Japanese tourists. I thought you had to be a Priest to paint icons? I am, I got a certificate online from Trump University, I am a priest. He then explained how each icon took 40 hours to make, and was made with love and prayers. He got the certificate so he could honestly say painted by a priest. They had to make as much money as possible while the season was on after all. His 9 children were all priests too, he bought a family Priest certificate from the Trump University. Good economics I said, my other brother did economics at Cambridge. He must be clever too Gregorgi intoned like a priest, but you still are the little brother with the pain in his arse. He laughed even more now.

3 hours later sweating like a pig I was allowed off the bike, I had topped up every battery he had. He’d bought them from the old Soviet Army discount store. Then he let the huskies in to lick the sweat off me, it was a treat for them, they loved licking sweat off. His wife had finished butchering the bear by now and was slightly blood spattered. A kind of Kill Bill Parts 1 to 5.

Then we had dinner. His friend Olga was going to drop in and fly me to the airport, she could fly a helicopter blindfolded. And when the weather descended she often did. So my trip was over, he handed me an icon, it had an angel on it. I reached for my wallet, don’t insult me said Gregorgi, just tell everybody in your blog to come and visit the Russian Arctic circle.They can buy one for themselves. Just bring some of your Cadburys chocolate from Birmingham, the huskies love it, if the kids let them have a tiny bit. With that Gregorgi kissed me, Olga send him back to Birmingham, but give him a cushion for his sore arse.  To the sound of Gregorgi’s laughter Olga started her helicopter, she was smiling as only a Russian girl can.

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Published by michaelgcasey

I'm Michael Casey from Birmingham England, the fat silver haired writer in shades. Beware of Others with the exact same name, they are not me, and would not want to be me. Not unless they like arthritis, look for the silly photos, not the stereo-typical "I am a writer" photos which I hate. michaelgcasey is what you should look for and the TRANSLATIONS GALORE here on this site so tell all your friends all over the world, or just in your street. Remember too the click to Translate Button, so all of you everywhere can "suffer" my words. I write HUMOUR, with English Spellings, a relative of Arron's(only joking) https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC for my 17 books you can email, but scam emails are deleted unread, with due respect nobody ever opens or replies to contact me on a DIFFERENT email to the sending one. email michaelgcasey@hotmail.com BUT WITH a good subject line I'm Michael Casey or just look for michaelgcasey, all one word. or just look for my face,

Pain monster comes out to play

Pain monster comes out to play
so probably no new story today
but there are 100s here on Wordpress  and 1000s on my Blogger site
so   here's an old piece about pain

Pain Fear and God ©
By Michael Casey

Today is Good Friday, the day Jesus was crucified. Hugo Chavez is praying for his life we are told. So it makes me wonder when do we, all of us pray? I have to declare an interest straight away, I've had tennis elbow for nearly 4 months now and boy oh boy does it hurt. I cannot lift anything, not even the kettle. This would be bad enough in itself but for the fact that I've ricked my back badly. In fact the pain is the worst I've ever had in my life.

So Hugh is praying to be spared, I'm doing a bit of praying too, but my breath is being taken away by pain. The smell of Deep Heat fills our house, the girls retreat to the garden for fresh air. I can stand for 10 mins or sit and write here for 30mins, after that I have to lie down because the pain is so much. I don't want to pop pips so Deep Heat and hot baths are my tools of choice. My mother used to have bucket loads of pain killers for her bad back but she never took them, she just used to collect them over the pantry door. "Jeekus" she used to wince and half scream through her pain. So I hope its not hereditary.

We all pray when we are in pain, we pray the pain will end soon. Perhaps pain helps teaches us humility, everything sure is in perspective when all you can think of is your elbow or your back. My back has been playing up for 2 weeks on this occasion, how people live in pain and in wheelchairs makes me wonder. My Aunty Mary was in a wheelchair for the last 13years of her life after a stroke,  her rosary keep her sane. We have test cases for the right to die, after my own pain filled recent experiences I see things more fully, through the prism of pain. I applaud pain relief experts, I have to lie down now  for a bit before I write any more.

My daughter just threw "TonY" her toy at me so I'll get up and finish. Pain can destroy us, but it does clear the clutter of our daily lives, it makes us remember and enjoy the real things in our lives. I really enjoy the taste of food, the experience is heightened, ordinary food tastes like a 5star restaurant experience, and I may just be talking about a bit of toast and peanut butter. If when I finally get better I can remember the real values, of nice simple food, and enjoying watching tv with my kids then all the pain will be worth it. Yes I know I'll get negative replies to this but, I always learn the hard way which is the best way. Yes I hope I'll never be in such pain again,  but if all our lives we live a feather bed existence then we are not really experiencing life.  Life includes pain.

*************
I must have written that several years go, now I have even more varieties of pain.