It must be True I heard it on the Radio

It must be True I heard it on the Radio©

By Michael Casey

And now on Radio4 , It must be True I heard it on the Radio, advertising yes you heard me advertising on the BBC, a documentary.

Can you raise the volume I’d like to hear that said a glum looking customer.  Yes please can you raise the volume, it might cheer him up.

Legal, Decent, Honest, Truthful is what they say ads must be, or they can be taken down. Here are some examples:-

Peter’s Pizza will give you spots to die for, eat our pizza and you’ll never go back to your old pizza parlour, and ours will warm you on a cold winter’s night, because you’ll be farting fire all night long. So remember not to have a fag till the morning.

This advert would be pulled because smoking is such a bad thing and is not advertised any more. Not forgetting that Americans don’t know that fag is the English word for cigarette. Two peoples divided by a common language.

Don’t leave it till you die, pay for your funeral ahead of time, because your relatives hate you and would leave you in the fridge for six months, where you’d catch pneumonia  if you weren’t already dead. Then after six months a pauper’s funeral. So book early to disappoint them, prepay your funeral and tell them they’ll inherit everything. In fact only the undertaker gets a penny, they get a cheap prawn sandwich and a sherry.

This advert would be pulled, because it could upset people by using the word die, pass on or move to the afterlife are acceptable. This person is no more, is deceased and other Monty Python Dead Parrot like words are not allowed.

Lush pushup bra, will drive your husband wild, he’ll give you the pin number to his credit card, and he’ll be a better husband, he’ll drool like a dog.

Now obviously that advert would be pulled, because though it is totally truthful, the RSPCA would complain about the use of dogs in advertising, this is England after all.

Get rid of your glasses, see like a hawk, see long distances once more, look up and see the sun, 93million miles away, look to the stars at night, and know it’s not headlights in the distance. Lie back and think of England while Des’s Eye Restorer gives you the sight you deserve. Be a sight for sore eyes again, throw away those horn rimmed glasses and be the woman you want to be once more.

This advert would be pulled because it encourages littering, throw away cannot be used in adverts. Des is just such a naff name it should be banned. Lie back and think of England is a banned sentence too, as Britain has to be used as it’s much more inclusive.

Come to Birmingham and

I’ve been prevented from saying more, though Come to Birmingham and  followed by sound effects could be a trendy advert, let the sound of fun do the talking. Hang on I’m going to copyright that idea.

Fred Pots plants for all your flower needs, though Fred’s Pot would mean something else entirely, I did wonder why there were 7 police vans outside  his florists, I thought they were buying flowers from their favourite Police and Crime Commissioner.

Radio IS more fun I hope we’d given you some food for thought, which reminds me I have to buy some plant food for my aspidistra, is Fred’s Pot still open. 

Buy, I mean bye from BBC Radio 4.

Well George has that cheered you up, or made you laugh at any rate? You just have too much time on your hands now. You could audition for a band, The Cross Parties are looking for a drummer. You have to do a bit of wallpapering at your new gaff, I thought we both did enough gaffes. 

Well I have to be going, the misses wants me to do some modelling for her new catalogue, do you like this mac? I have to pose in 200 items in 3 hours. I never knew posing was such hard work. Bye George.

Same time next week for a coffee? Sure, but bring some money, you always say you left your wallet under the wife’s side of the mattress.

 Bye Dave.   

p.s. I just thought why not have George and Dave as the new Derek and Clive, I      thought of it 1st.