Moving Out Day 13th July 2016

Moving Out Day 13^th July 2016 ©

By Michael Casey

Where’s my socks? 2nd drawer down on the left, in my dressing room. Thanks, and where are my shoes? My shoe will be up your arse if you don’t calm down.

Sorry Babes, it’s just that with will we or won’t we and then finally it does happen, it’s all so sudden, I’m confused, I cannot think straight. You are definitely straight that’s why we have 5 children, you were the only straight man at Uni, that’s why I had to grab you fast.

You took my flower in the stationary cupboard if memory serves, I gave you my flower too. We all thought you were a sl-, if you finish that sentence I’ll give you a slap. But it was for the best, how many beds have we broken with our passion? Seven, the magnificent seven. It must me love, or lust. In future we must buy a bed from Ikea, or use reinforced concrete.

Where’s my collection of rubbers? I put them in an old shoebox marked RUBBERS in felt tip on the outside. I’ve worked in so many departments I just got into the habit of collecting rubbers. Isn’t that an American word for for Erasers, or is it the other way around? Tim, just put your pants on we only have a few hours before the new owner moves in. Couldn’t we just have one last parting shot? Where? Well they haven’t lifted the shag pile rug in your study.

So Tim and Louise had a parting shot on the floor, but what they’d forgot was that the movers had moved the curtains and blinds, so their performance was in full view of the movers and everybody else walking past.

Did you pack my collection of old Radio Times magazines? Yes, in boxes 20 to 55, with RT marked on the top. And did you send Tiddles to your sister’s until after the move. No, that was your job. No I remember I told you to do it. Let’s not argue, and while we are about it, can you just put your pants back on, I can’t argue  with that thing in front of me. Am I too sexy for my pants? Just like Right Said Fred? No you just remind me to buy some onions, we’re having stew at the new house.

Why is that box jumping over there, I hope it’s not a rat. You go on and protect me. Stupid, its Tiddles she loves hiding in boxes, the movers must have taped her inside, they are so incredibly fast. Don’t tell the RSPCA or we’ll never hear the end of it.

Where are the kids? They are at the new house already with my sister, setting up the wifi and the tv. Do you think they could live for a second without wifi? No, and I couldn’t live without you. Stop it we’ve done the farewell thing already. Don’t look sad, we can do the Hello to new house thing tonight. Will all the furniture be ready? 

Yes I paid the movers a little extra to do everything for us. Besides I said Boris and Michael my cousins would have words with them if they didn’t pull their fingers out, or they would pull their fingers out. I like Boris and Michael, how is their butchers shop doing now?

Shall we have a final look around before we go? I won’t miss the place, too noisy, all that drumming from the house next door, and all those argument between the neighbours, open the bleeding gate, you could have just left it open for me. That’s the trouble with party entrances and exits, no curtesy between neighbours. Not to mention all those expensive cars parked all over the place, I’m sure they must be car thieves, or something.

Well goodbye no.10 we’ll never see you again, what about those old glittery shoes in the corner. Leave them, perhaps Mrs Nott the new owner might use them in the garden at the back.