What do you mean?

What do you mean? ©

By Michael Casey

So how did it go? She came straight towards you and bent down and kissed you. Which cheek, the left or the right? The left, you were lucky, the right cheek is the Judas cheek, means she’s going to stab you in the back, or call Security and have you escorted out the building, with just a Banker’s Box in your hands with all your odds and ends inside.

So how did it go, what else happened, did she kiss you again? She straightened your tie. No it’s not a sexual thing, she just likes everything to be exact, to be perfect. Then she brushed the dandruff off your shoulders. She really really does like you.

What questions did she ask? Do you think you could do my job? That’s a heart attack of a question. So what did you say? You said what? That of course you could do her job, because you have worked under her for 5 years. So if you couldn’t stand in for her then you’d be a moron, and she would have missed a trick, but as she never misses anything, especially the dandruff on your shoulders.

She laughed, and then came towards you and straightened your tie again, then she reached into her desk drawer and brought out a clothes brush. Then slowly ever so slowly she brushed your suit. It wasn’t the brush off was it? No, she actually likes you, said you show potential. How did she say Potential, was it snappily, or did she ooze out the words. It’s so hard to know what she actually means, she has a   PhD in English and Law, a word never means what it says with her.

Then she made you coffee, she actually made you coffee, I would have fainted if she made coffee for me. And she gave you brown sugar in it, God she’s never done that for me and I’ve been here 20 years. I’m sure brown sugar is a metaphor for something, not unless she a closet Rolling Stones fan. Then she discussed, actually discussed the future of the department with you.

My head is spinning what does this all mean, she’s been so open with you, I’ve been here 20 years and I’ve never had a coffee with her, let alone coffee with brown sugar, what can it all mean, I just can’t process so much information. I’ll have to sit down and have a think about it all.

Then she actually talked about holidays, about her and her husband. I need a cigarette what can this all mean? You will tell me what it all means, we were at school together, Eton and all that. So can I come to your office and you’ll explain face to face.

Sorry I’m panting, I ran all along the corridors, I’ve got ringing in my ears now. Oh it’s only the division bells. So what does it all mean? Do I want to sit down, I think I will all this running has worn me out. She told you that you were being promoted, and the mark of a manager is that he must be strong and supple at the same. And be able to sack somebody without it hurting your feelings. So why are you telling me this? Michael Casey you are fired, there is no place for you in her team, because, no reason required.