Dead Symbols

Dead Symbols ©

By Michael Casey

I was wondering what to write this Friday night when my eyes drifted to a bucket, and that was that. I have an idea, bucket list,  then kicking the bucket, then dead symbols. Castro died this week so I have plenty of ideas, but first of all I need a bath, just as all bodies are washed before burial, and yes the undertaker charges for it, I too need a wash, maybe I’ll die later. If I don’t finish this you’ll know what has happened. After my bath I’ll watch the Blacklist before finishing off tonight’s story. Splash.

Blacklist was very good as usual, I used to love James Spader in Boston Legal, so Blacklist is 180degrees different. As for me I am clean now after my wallow in my bath, I did steal my small daughters Lush bath salts, so now I smell really nice, in fact the rest of the family have removed their gas masks. Totoro just climbed up the chimney to get away from my smelly feet.

So now now while I listen to Gerry Rafferty I’ll resume my conversation, I know it’s a bit one sided but we can pretend, this is Radio after all. So this week Castro died, I mentioned him in my first book, but only as a guy who smoked long cigars. You have stage managed and real mourning when a dictator dies, Baptista and the Cuban government were corrupt and needing removing. That was replaced by another corrupt regime, the Castro regime.

It does seem ridiculous to me that folks queue for hours to file past a photo of the leader. No coffin to be seen, closed or opened, just a photo and a flag. Later there will be an urn to admire before the ashes are buried. Thousands or hundreds of thousands will file past. The local bus driver was probably more worthy of such tears.

In North Korea the stage managed grief when somebody dies is even more impressive for all the wrong reasons. Then we have Russia when Lenin is still not buried, the wax looking Revolutionary is kept in his glass coffin like Snow White. I think Mao has been kept too, so they can be adored. They say God is dead, but people have to worship them in their glass coffins. Snow White is worth keeping in her glass coffin, me and the dwarfs were devastated when she ate that apple, but when Prince came along singing Purple Rain we just knew he would wake her up, and he did, so Snow White joined his rock band.

The leaders have to be commemorated so they build statues and enormous things, I just don’t know what to call them. Luckily skateboarders use them to do their tricks on, their is actually a tour taking in North Korea and Russia where you have to do tricks on and over these monuments to these perfect perfect leaders. Its called the Revolutionary Tour, skate with a dictator.

In America land of the free you can buy the perfect souvenirs to remember the beloved dictators. There is the Fidel Castro toilet brush which has his face on it and a cigar like handle, his bushy beard is really good at cleaning your toilet. You can get candles to help you chill out, you sit them around the bath, actually I had some while I was in the bath just. You have Mao, and The Great Leader and Lenin, each has a revolutionary scent that helps your relax. A bit like mace or tear gas, or maybe it was just my old socks.

The dictator who did the most damage always has the biggest monument, think of Mussolini and Hitler, they had monuments galore, Hitler even had a place just to have his parades. Its as if he’s went to the future and seen Ben Hur and told his builders I want one like that. Dictators are just so ludicrous.

Donald Trump will have to deal with North Korea very soon, I heard that he has a new idea. Trump will send all the cheeses of the world to the new Great Leader in the hope that all the saturated fat will kill the Great Leader. Queue 10 million people crying in the street that’s if they don’t starve to death first. Though if the plan fails Trump hopes that the Great Leader will have so many spots he’ll hide in a cave and accidentally set off all his nukes, and end the crisis in one fell swoop.

What about me when I am dead, will there be any monuments? No, the wife is thinking of putting me in the blender and feeding me to the cat, I am so fat with too much meat on me is what she always says. I’m sure Totoro will enjoy eating me, with a straw from a bowl no doubt.

So its time for bed now, I forgot to say watch The Great Dictator, Charlie Chaplin always knew what to say.