Marking Your Own Report Card post 900

Marking Your Own Report Card ©
By Michael Casey

Well its that time of year again when we look back on our Year and think how we did, were we good or were we bad, will Santa come to our house or will he pass over us. I know already that Santa won’t come to our house, we have central heating so there is no chimney for him to come down, the Water Babies never came to clean it out, you can google Water Babies if you don’t know the Literary reference, see I’m giving you pub quiz information already, 2017 will be your best ever year for pub quizes.

So how will you mark your own year end report, will you give yourself all tens or 10s if you are a Bo Derek fan, see a film reference thrown in for good measure. I'll shut up now with the explanations, it spoils it for you. So are you honest in your own 360 degree appraisal, and can somebody tell me where the little degree symbol is on the keyboard. Do you mark yourself honestly or even harshly, or do you cheat? Some students reply, how do you expect us to pass if we don’t cheat. Some teachers tease, just make sure you sit close to a clever person.

But I’m talking about self-appraisal, were you good to your mum and dad, did you beat your kids, did you spoil your kids. Do you put your kids first even though they were/are and will forever be ungrateful bastards. STOP. Just think about that. Are you as good as your own parents, is the last generation always better than the current. Just a few thoughts for you, when Big Ben strikes and 2017 arrives perhaps you will be thinking these thoughts.

Do wish you were bolder and followed that girl into the paper store room, I could tell you tales about one of my old companies, but that’s another story, I am just the writer not the priest hearing confessions. Do you wish you stood up to that lazy idle boss, you were doing everything and they were hiding in the store room, alone no girl or boy included. You should have got the recognition, but you said nothing, you had to protect your job as you were the main breadwinner in your household, so you bit your lip when you should have bust his lip, and maybe had your own moment of glory in that store room, luckily there were no security cameras in there. But if they were one or two people could have become film stars, but not the kind of films shown at cinemas.

Did you give a penny to a beggar in the street, even just to impress that girl you loved, or did you brush the beggar out of the way, you had feet of clay. Your romance ended that day, but that day you vowed to change a modern Ebenezer Scrooge in the making, you swore never to lose another girl that way. However fate is cruel, you had lost that girl  good and proper, it was as if a sign about you said MISER, now no girl wanted you ever and that one was the prettiest girlfriend you ever had.

So you marked yourself down on your report card, you were stuck in your own personal Groundhog Day. But you were good to beggars forever more, and they all echoed God Bless to the sound of your footsteps, but still no girl appeared on the horizon. Over the road from Aldi was a opticians and every day for a year a girl in designer specs watched and smiled as you furtively gave alms to the beggars. Without knowing it she was loving you more and more, she was an optician and she had her eyes, her 4 eyes on you.

So one day you had just given a packet of chocolate biscuits to a beggar when May ran across the road, I’ve had my eye on you she said, then she just grabbed you and kissed you in the street. Her horoscope had said be decisive so she was, 5 minutes later she dropped you on the pavement, she was a black belt in Judo martial arts so when she grabbed a man they stayed grabbed.  Consider yourself to be my boyfriend she said, as she flicked her red hair back into place, or do you want me to break both your arms?

So for a finish what we do in secret can be the very thing that  brings the greatest results,  if you give biscuits to beggars you may find yourself a Judo black belt for a girlfriend, and free glasses thrown into the bargain. Because God sees everything and rewards us.

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