Secrets in the Safe

Secrets in the Safe ©

By

Michael Casey

I might stop and start while I talk to you, it’s no secret my left shoulder has come out to play today. Pain with a CAPITAL P. It audibly clicks as well, and I’d wish it’d just go to Hell. Luckily my Movelat and Paracetamol are close to hand. Not locked in a safe, just within grab reach, like the toilet paper. If I had a gun it would be locked away and the bullets locked somewhere else, luckily we don’t have that in UK, we are gun free, thank God.

Chocolate needs to be hidden and locked away, I have 3 girls in the house, and a female cat too. But what about secrets? Samuel Pepys wrote his diary in code so nobody would know what he was talking about. He knew many secrets and was wise enough to bury his cheese to avoid the Great Fire of London. I may go and read about him when I finish talking to you all, you can all do the same for homework.

Nowadays everybody blogs, except me, I write or rather Talk to you all. I hope its much better than Joe Soap’s blog or even Freg Bloggs’ blog. I don’t earn any money and I’m not an influencer. I’d rather be under the influence of Stella Artois, than mindless tat basely advertised and touted by vacuous people. Did you feel my claws then? MIAOW. I’m copying Totoro our cat who went back to Ninja cat mode yesterday, with 2 kills, one to the front of the house and one to the back. She hangs out with the foxes nowadays, they live in a Ben’s back garden nearby.

But what about secrets, and what would be so important you put it in a  safe? The Kentucky Fried Chicken recipe was in a safe, though personally I think its disgusting, they should have left it there. Somebody told me that Burgerking was better than BigMac and I think they are right, though Macdonalds do better fries. Though its years since I had either, and they were never my fast food. My generation were chips and kebab people. I do think saving recipes for the future is a great idea. We even have a seed bank hidden in a mountain, should world disaster strike. However I seem to remember a news item saying that, the seed bank could be flooded as Global Warming is melting ice and could flood the seed bank.

So it’s only the most important of stuff that gets put in a safe. Our Ken Dodd a comedian was once sued by the tax man, AND HE BEAT THEM, he kept cash in a shoebox under the stairs, 30k or even 100k. But his love letters were in a bank vault. Ken really got his priorities right, his shows lasted 5 hours, you really got your money’s worth too.

I’m told that the Sun Newspaper in England has a bank vault on the premises with all the Dirt on the Great and the Good. Now that would be interesting reading, though that could be an urban legend. Next time I meet Rupert Murdoch at the Bingo I’ll ask him, but only after he buys me 2 pints of Stella Artois, save him going up twice and queuing for me. He always forgets the cheese and onion crisps though.

What would I keep in safe? Clean underpants and some soft toilet paper, and maybe some Ck1. You never know who might come up and see me sometime. And yes Movelat painkiller and paracetamol. Without those I’d be rolling about on the floor. Though with Ck1 and clean underpants I might just having fun rolling about on the floor. With a Sumo. Though I have much better dreams than that.