Talking to Strangers

Talking to Strangers ©

By 

Michael Casey

I was talking to a stranger today, I know your mum always says don’t talk to strangers and it is wise advice for children. But it’s one of my bad habits, but I had to talk to this person, luckily for her it was just over the phone. Could you stand looking at me for an hour? I can hear the comments coming through the screen. You are so unkind, call yourselves my readers, I may just sulk and stop writing. But you know I won’t, it’s the only thing I can do, and the only thing I’m good at. Ok, apart from Farting, but you cannot put farting down on a CV, as specialist subject. I know we all used to have farting competitions when we were young, or were you too posh to fart. Try eating Heinz beans with eggs in, a double whammy of fart potential. My brother introduced his fellow students to it when he was at Downing Cambridge. What did you do at University? Oh, I introduced farting to Downing College, via Heinz beans with eggs in. I also got a degree.

So now I’m explaining farting to my readers in 60 countries, you must all think I’m so vulgar, but it does at least save on central heating. But don’t light any farts with a cigarette, and yes I must confess we did try it once in the empty office when it was being refurbed in the 1980s. Meanwhile Flash as we used to call him, he fell asleep on the toilet during a night shift. Then he dropped his cigarette and set fire to his trousers.

Meanwhile what I really wanted to talk about was talking to strangers, that’s if the smell of farts doesn’t drive them away. It was on the news tonight how people can feel lonely or isolated, so they suggested a bus journey. The 3 lonely people had a pet dog each, and they did a test where people spoke and did not speak. Obviously a dog is a talking point, and obviously too speaking really does lift mood. It’s today’s society where people look down at their phones and are cocooned by their buds and their music, so a full bus can be bus full of lonely people. Listen to the Beatles Eleanor Rigby right now instead of reading this, but do come back, as I’ll get lonely if you all abandon me for the Beatles. And did I tell you that John Lennon was one of our lodgers, but that’s another story.

In my time at CPNEC Birmingham my job was to say hello to anybody that  came into the hotel. I gave them  30 seconds and then I gave them the big hello. That was my job, maybe 100,000 people got the big hello, I was actually much praised, “the best thing about the hotel is you” was one of the many positive comments. We were the friendly hotel, me, Roger and Jim were the welcoming committee and the rest was History. And when Iwasn’t doing that I was doing 10 other roles, Roger counted them once.

Over at another hotel our boss stood there for 20 mins before anybody approached him, that was the difference, 30 seconds v 20 mins. Hello to Jonathan Walker if ever he reads this, yes it’s me,  please buy all 18 books, my girls are all grown up now, just as yours are.

Talking is good, it relaxes us, it makes us happy, a problem shared is a problem halved, Tell the Truth and Shame the Devil as my mum used to say. You can confess to somebody on a train, and then you will never see them again, Confession for non-Catholics if you like. Bottling things up does lead to illness mental and physical, so Spit it Out. And then with the burden lifted from your shoulders you start again. Every day is a new beginning. 

Obviously when I get on a bus people Manspread, or stretch so that old fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England cannot sit anywhere near them. But I know how to hang from a pole, I was a pole dancer in my past, did I not mention it before, maybe I’ll write about it tomorrow. So I’ll dangle from a pole and talk to anybody, the bus driver does love me after all, because riff raff don’t get on his bus, when they see me there, they decide to walk instead. It’s Michael Casey, ok we’ll walk instead it’s only 18 stops. Stuck on a bus with Casey, I’d rather watch Trump on tv.

On a serious note, your old mum, your dad, a friend does welcome a phone call, or an email with a silly photo in. So please ring your old mum or an old friend, make contact. In daily life say hello to folks in the street, break the ice. People will actually say, I’m  glad you spoke to me. Why are there magazine stands at train stations, so you can avoid talking to people. I say do the opposite, talk to somebody, break the ice. You may make a friend for life, or find a husband, a wife, a lover, any which way. Talking makes us better than stones, than rocks, you can save a life just by a few kinds words. Even if all you say is that Michael Casey is such a waste of space, I really hate his words. Though he is really dishy better than George Clooney any day.