Getting in the Mood

Getting in the Mood ©

By

Michael Casey

Well Status Quo are playing their hits so I’m in the mood, not for dancing, can somebody show the Nolans the door please. But I’m ready to Rock and Roll, now that I’ve been told I have the Einstein look, you’ve seen the pictures. Am I talking to myself, do try and keep up, or is the noise too much? Hey you in the toga, and you with the guitar can you just shut it, I’m taking to my audience. I just spotted a piece in the Guardian about writers so that’s why you are getting today’s piece. Piece of what, you can judge for yourself. I also spotted they Crowdfund writers. So Unbound I have 17 ready to be inflicted on an audience. Though Bezo or Murdoch would be much better. But I’ll take any push I can get.

I do read other newspapers just in case you think I wear an oversized jumper and drink Latte, and follow “issues”. No jumper would ever be oversized on me, not unless you stole it from a Walrus, my boss had a moustache like a walrus, I was so afraid of him, 40 years ago. He was a hooker, but that’s enough of his private life, and just in case you think I am maligning him, he used to hang out and swing between 2 really big guys holding them tight for dear life. A hooker is a Rugby term by the way, and what they do in that city is none of your business.

Where was I? Explaining what it said about Writers.I’m a writer too, I’ve done a million you know, which is the writing equivalent of the mile high club. Which as you know is something to do with mountain climbing, or crampons or something to do with lots of ropes, very long and worn tight over your shoulder. What they do at fashion school I just do not understand. At least Writers explain things simply and shed light wherever they go, like a drunken lamplighter with a candle on the end of his stick. Which sounds disgusting, I’m sure they’ll be a Guardian editorial condemning it, that’s it not IT. What do they know about IT with all their TYPOOOAs ?

So writers have to get in the mood, is that why they are all drunks, or is that just the poets?Then they smoke pot, but are so poor they haven’t got a pot to piss in. And on it goes, is that why they become house painters, it’s such a struggle. Then they grow silly moustaches and have a stick, thinking it gives them power. What was Charlie Chaplin thinking of? He could have made a living as a house painter instead, no but he wanted fame and adulation. Wasn’t there somebody called adulation who looked a bit like Charlie, who knows, nobody studies History. Just the History of Art, or grandma’s pictures for short.

But I was sidetracked again, that’s the bad habit of Writers. Getting side tracked, something always comes up, they should not live next door to a nudist beach. You can’t write with sand between your toes, or in all yours cracks and crevices, nor having to put the pussy out. I just had to put my pussy out just then, Totoro likes to come in and out, she thinks I’m a doorman. Though when I worked at CPNEC hotel I did do that as well as 10 other things.

So I should be locked away, don’t all agree, you drunken lot. Friday evening and you’re on the pop already, meanwhile us writers have to write their piece.So to get away from distractions, you have a shed like Cameron, and then have Writer’s Block, or maybe he just cannot write. I told him he’d make more money telling fortunes from the back of his caravan, he can dress up in his wife’s old clothes, then I remembered he got the Brexit result wrong. Though he is a good whistler so maybe he could join a band as the new Roger Whittaker.

My daughter just came home from school with news of mock exam results, so I’ll have to talk to her. See all these things interrupt and prevent me from writing yet another Masterpiece. 777 was just the number count so that reminds me of 7 brides for 7 brothers and 7 samurai, which could be an idea in itself. Too many ideas is my problem, not Writer’s Block, I’ll leave that for Cameron.

So all in all, this writer, me, moi, I just carry on regardless, I just sit and write, Status Quo noising away trying to out beat the Tinnitus which does sound like a rock band too, Needles and Pins? I was never a Match Stick man, even as a child. I just hope I can entertain, and you realise I really am Ronnie Corbett’s and  Joyce Grenfell’s bastard child, it’s the way I tell them. Or am I just a Gerard Wiley, which sounds like a really painful condition, or is my Tinnitus affecting my hearing? Obviously my writing is never affected, infected maybe…