The Liar
The Liar ©
By
Michael Casey
I’ve been threatening to tell you a new story for days but my left shoulder feels as if I’m holding a concrete cross for a few days, so you have been spared, even if I have not. Or am I lying? Though some would say that writing is lying but on paper, and story telling is just plain old lying, or being a Politician or a Trump. His shadow over History is so large, he’ll be in all the History books for all the wrong reasons, but enough of him, he’s not paying me.
Today Julian left the Embassy, I don’t mean Julian of Duncan and Sandy fame, I’m mixing up the words, Julian and Sandy it should be from Around the Horne. Now that’ll really confuse my USA readers, you’ll just have to go Google. Hello I’m Julian and this is my friend Sandy, we are bona Wiki, Wiki what I can’t say it’s a secret. But if you buy Jules a shandy and me a bitter, no not beer I don’t drink, a packet of bitter sweets, you know those lemon ones, then I’ll reveal all.
We can crack any computer, yes we can, don’t mock, if you want to know what Madge down the corner shop is up to just cross our palms. No, don’t write on them with felt tip, I mean give us some silver. I don’t mean tin foil to line the baking tin either, just stop messing about. Give us some shillings, we need to feed the gas meter. Now that’s much warmer isn’t it?
Here look through my telescope, no it’s not a metaphor, you have such a filthy mind. What did I think you meant, you know what I thought you meant,don’t try and make me sin, it still Lent after all. But you are Jewish. Ok let’s stick to the script, you do have such lovely hand writing, its Sylfaen, yes it’s so fine. Audience do keep up, you’re like a crowd of drunken Politicians saying Beer Beer, or do I need my ears waxed again, or is that just my legs.
So what is Madge doing, she is reaching for the top shelf. I never knew she stocked mucky books, I’ll have to pay her a visit, I got a few old books covered in cobwebs, or are the cobwebs on my, maybe I can get Madge to flick my old cobwebs off, now that’s a real metaphor, me and Madge cobweb flicking. PAUSE. I had to have a quick shandy the thought of me and Madge flicking our cobwebs on the floor behind the counter. I do like Spring Cleaning, what did you think I was talking about. That’s disgusting, I don’t care if your not Christian, you bunch of Heathens need to go to Confession. Cobweb Flickers the lot of you.
What other lies can I share? Well Ecuador was reading me yesterday and today Julian was thrown out, it’s true the Country was reading my words and then today they throw Jules Assange out, I thought it was Father Christmas when it was on the news. 7 years squatting, he’ll have to improve his diet.
The thing about being a liar is that you have to have a good memory to remember all your lies. Me I’ve never lied in my life, but you think I’m lying, oh yes you do, oh no you don’t, I’M GETTING DIZZY, all these lies making my head go round and around, maybe I should get a part in the Exorcist.
We all lie when we tell our kids about Father Christmas, except me, because I know Father Christmas personally, not Biblically that’s something else, just personally. You see I do have such beautiful silver white locks, and when I don’t shave a white beard too. And you’ve seen me all dressed in red. I am Father Christmas, or that’s how my reflection speaks to me. So send me some money in a plain brown envelope and I’ll buy you all a present. One lollipop to share amongst 7,000,000,000 people. Your money I’ll keep and trust me I’ll spend it wisely. On Me.
So that’s today’s story as the pain monster leaves my body, no doubt to return often. If you were expecting something else then one of us is a Liar, who’ll burn in Hell’s Fire.
By
Michael Casey
I’ve been threatening to tell you a new story for days but my left shoulder feels as if I’m holding a concrete cross for a few days, so you have been spared, even if I have not. Or am I lying? Though some would say that writing is lying but on paper, and story telling is just plain old lying, or being a Politician or a Trump. His shadow over History is so large, he’ll be in all the History books for all the wrong reasons, but enough of him, he’s not paying me.
Today Julian left the Embassy, I don’t mean Julian of Duncan and Sandy fame, I’m mixing up the words, Julian and Sandy it should be from Around the Horne. Now that’ll really confuse my USA readers, you’ll just have to go Google. Hello I’m Julian and this is my friend Sandy, we are bona Wiki, Wiki what I can’t say it’s a secret. But if you buy Jules a shandy and me a bitter, no not beer I don’t drink, a packet of bitter sweets, you know those lemon ones, then I’ll reveal all.
We can crack any computer, yes we can, don’t mock, if you want to know what Madge down the corner shop is up to just cross our palms. No, don’t write on them with felt tip, I mean give us some silver. I don’t mean tin foil to line the baking tin either, just stop messing about. Give us some shillings, we need to feed the gas meter. Now that’s much warmer isn’t it?
Here look through my telescope, no it’s not a metaphor, you have such a filthy mind. What did I think you meant, you know what I thought you meant,don’t try and make me sin, it still Lent after all. But you are Jewish. Ok let’s stick to the script, you do have such lovely hand writing, its Sylfaen, yes it’s so fine. Audience do keep up, you’re like a crowd of drunken Politicians saying Beer Beer, or do I need my ears waxed again, or is that just my legs.
So what is Madge doing, she is reaching for the top shelf. I never knew she stocked mucky books, I’ll have to pay her a visit, I got a few old books covered in cobwebs, or are the cobwebs on my, maybe I can get Madge to flick my old cobwebs off, now that’s a real metaphor, me and Madge cobweb flicking. PAUSE. I had to have a quick shandy the thought of me and Madge flicking our cobwebs on the floor behind the counter. I do like Spring Cleaning, what did you think I was talking about. That’s disgusting, I don’t care if your not Christian, you bunch of Heathens need to go to Confession. Cobweb Flickers the lot of you.
What other lies can I share? Well Ecuador was reading me yesterday and today Julian was thrown out, it’s true the Country was reading my words and then today they throw Jules Assange out, I thought it was Father Christmas when it was on the news. 7 years squatting, he’ll have to improve his diet.
The thing about being a liar is that you have to have a good memory to remember all your lies. Me I’ve never lied in my life, but you think I’m lying, oh yes you do, oh no you don’t, I’M GETTING DIZZY, all these lies making my head go round and around, maybe I should get a part in the Exorcist.
We all lie when we tell our kids about Father Christmas, except me, because I know Father Christmas personally, not Biblically that’s something else, just personally. You see I do have such beautiful silver white locks, and when I don’t shave a white beard too. And you’ve seen me all dressed in red. I am Father Christmas, or that’s how my reflection speaks to me. So send me some money in a plain brown envelope and I’ll buy you all a present. One lollipop to share amongst 7,000,000,000 people. Your money I’ll keep and trust me I’ll spend it wisely. On Me.
So that’s today’s story as the pain monster leaves my body, no doubt to return often. If you were expecting something else then one of us is a Liar, who’ll burn in Hell’s Fire.
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